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Thursday, September 27, 2007

Finding God

I broke up with the Mormon church years and years ago. There are many reasons, but that's another post for another day. Let's keep this post light, shall we?

I never paid tithing so I wasn't missed. Missionaries have dropped by my apartment on numerous occasions and I've always politely told them I'm uninterested. Since I haven't officially broken up with the Mormons I'm still a member of a ward. A ward that I've never been to, and never will. I even have a visiting teacher... I've only met her once and I told her I wasn't interested in having a visiting teacher. I felt horrible saying it because she was this sweet older woman, but I really, REALLY didn't want a monthly guilt trip--I have a mom for that.

That didn't stop her. Once a month she leaves me a treat outside my door. Obviously I can't say no to baked goods, have you seen the size of my ass? This month's treat was pumpkin/chocolate chip goodness. It was delicious and the closest I've come to seeing God in a very long time, which proves I need a boyfriend.


Mads said...

Too bad she doesn't leave you something more useful, like a bottle of wine.

Dave said...

if you're concerned about gaining weight, i could tell you about the time i was biting into a pumpkin chocolate chip cookie and saw an earwig crawling on it.

well, i guess now i've told you about it. heh.

Another Ex said...

Your ass isn't flat that doesn't mean its big. If you ask me it's sexy as hell!

Danielle said...

my father tells my sister to say this to missionaries when they come

"my last missionary touched me so I don't think you can come in"

hahha how bad

Amberly said...

Danielle: What a great idea!

As for the visiting teachers.....I've told them I don't want them coming around but they don't care. Funny thing is, right from the beginning, they've always brought me the calendar of events at the END of the month. Not that I wanted to go to any, but really, what kind of message does THAT send?

TOGM said...

I have seen the size of said buttocks and I think you could eat a gingerbread house and still be just fine.

theorris said...

I say ride that bake goods train as far as it goes.

Ken said...

I had no idea you could get baked goody's delivered once per month! Could you tell her you now have a roommate (me) who also needs backed goody's? I need my soul saved one cookie at a time. We can arrange a safe public meeting place for the exchange of baked goods.