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Tuesday, May 01, 2007

stranger danger

i'm feeling very 1994 today. so i did what any other 1994 girl would do--i went to 7-11 for a big gulp. when i was leaving the cashier looked me up and down and said, "be careful out there."

what the hell?!

does he know something i don't? i don't think he could have known i got yelled at today. seriously. my column is total fluff, how can it possibly upset people enough to yell at me in the grocery store? come on people, isn't there more things in life to be upset over? war? 3.2 beer?

11 comments:

el viajero said...

Sounds like the perfect scene to start a thriller...

urban princess said...

what? someone yelled at you? do tell.

sarahbellum said...

up: remember last week when i mentioned sleeping at the yuppie's house? yeah, well apparently that makes me a "slut and not worthy of teenager readers." which is odd, because i don't really think teens should be reading my column. whatever.

el viajero: stop trying to get me killed would ya?

Anonymous said...

Bellum, please be careful. My workday would be boring without your posts.

el viajero said...

Hmm, with a bit more thought, between this post and the last one, there does seem to be a disturbing trend of stereotypical foreshadowing of the hard-boiled detective novel variety...I suggest preemptively macing anyone who stops and asks you for directions...or is carrying a violin case/umbrella...

sarahbellum said...

el viajero: do they make pink mace? also, what about a ukulele case? i ask because recently at a party a man with one sat behind me. it was a bit unnerving since i could feel his breath on my neck.

el viajero said...

Yes! Pink pepper spray in a fashionable container: http://www.safety-n-protection.com/
lipstickpepperspray.htm

Gives new meaning to the expression "hot pink!" Sorry...

As for ukelele man, he does sound shady unless it was the spirit of Don Ho, may he rest in peace...

sarahbellum said...

anon: i'm careful i promise. rest assured, i started locking doors! baby steps.

el viajero: further proof you're trying to kill me! reaching for lipstick in my purse and spraying myself. come on, you know you can see it happening. killer.

Aimee said...

Please don't die. I sort of need you. I don't think teen agers should be reading your column either... Did the yelling parent not also notice that your publication reviews bars and clubs? And it talks about (gasp) coffee shops and features actual customers of such dens of iniquity? Maybe if more 15 year olds were reading Nancy Drew books instead of Cosmo the world would be a less scary place. Remember when we were young teens and we read The Babysitter's Club? Maybe if parents like the yelling parent took more control of the literature that entered their homes more young teen girls would be out on Friday nights watching babies to earn money to go the mall on Saturday to buy a new outfit rather than making babies to take to Denny's way past their bedtimes...

Mikey said...

Dearest Ms. Bellum--

You're absolutely correct; 3.2 per cent beer is a vastly greater threat to Utah than your column. Perspective, people!

Mikey

sarahbellum said...

aimee: as usual, you're right. i miss the babysitting club books.

mikey: thank you for seeing my point.