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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

dry-humping and doctors

i'm not just losing my mind, i'm losing my legs too! okay, not my actual legs but i'm losing the feeling in them. the backs of my legs started going numb last month. i chalked it up to bad circulation and vowed to get in shape. (it's time to start thinking about summer clothes.) i bought an elliptical and have worked out every day for the last three weeks. i'm only doing 5-7 miles a day, i'm pathetically out of shape. but, the numbness didn't go away. in fact the opposite happened... my legs got bigger so there was more leg surface to go numb. lame!

after trying to self-diagnosis on webmd, i went to see the doctor. my dad is diabetic and numb legs is one of the symptoms. needless to say at this point i had totally freaked myself out. i couldn't give up my addiction to ice cream--i'd rather die!

when the doc was testing my legs for feeling, he applied warmth, then cold--something soft, and then pressure. if i didn't know better i'd have thought he was trying to woo my legs. lastly, he told me to turn my head so i couldn't see what he was doing, and to only say something if i felt anything. i was positive he was back there dry-humping my leg, but as it turns out he was just running a sharp object across them and didn't want me to see it and imagine pain. who me??

all my tests were fine and my legs are still dry-hump virgins.

11 comments:

ryan said...

.. i'm waiting for the pervs to come out to comment.. Don't let me down Anons!

Anonymous said...

I'm more than happy to start the anon commenting.

I should give the obligatory perverted comment, "Sarah, I'd dry hump your legs anytime." Really, I'd much rather dicuss the medical aspect of this post. Are you OK? You said your tests came back fine but legs don't just go numb for no reason, especially both of them. Might you consider seeing a specialist? Health is never to be taken lightly.

Please follow-up with another doctor if the numbness continues. The WEB needs you healthy, and funny.

Feel better.

Anonymous said...

Didn't you grow up LDS? Your legs can't be dryhump virgins.

Richard W. said...

There is a scene worth watching...a dry-humping doctor. Hmmm, there has to be more jokes about that.
Sarah,
don't give up your ice cream.

Anonymous said...

I'd dryhump you anytime, but mostly if you were a bigot.

bruce said...

I saw you at Gallivan today listening to the music. Funky bun things in your hair right and signature aviater glasses?

If so you needn't worry about giving up ice cream you look way good girl! That doctor was nuts for not dry humping your legs. Given the chance I would.

[Cool hair, BTW]

used to be yur buddy said...

Ah the old DH! It seems so long since I've had a good DH, as now it seems all I can get Preparation H.

Used to be yur buddy's buddy said...

is, is damnit, I always scr3ew u8P!

Mark(y) said...

I think modern society should condense the 'ol dry hump verbiage into "drump". It just sounds right....

urban princess said...

I agree with Mark(y). Drump.

Mark(y) said...

UP:

Nice. Now that we have established that drump is proper, where does the wump come into play? :P (read: rhetorical)