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Wednesday, April 04, 2007

tested and 84% white trash approved!

reasons why i might be considered white trash:

1. i had stripper-white hair for one week.
2. i own a shot glass collection.
3. i like drinking two buck chuck.
4. my fridge contains pre-made jello cups.
5. i gas up at maverick.
6. my dinner plates are plastic.
7. i don't own matching wine glasses.
8. i own camouflage.
9. i grew up in a town of 300.
10. i love gas station hot dogs.

let me explain...

1. made a very poor choice in getting my hair colored, but am now back to my natural dirty blond.
2. i've never purchased a shot glass--ak started bringing them home to me from each of his business trips years ago.
3. it's good and cheap, shut up!
4. i don't like to cook, and jello counts as cooking.
5. it has the best people watching. and hot dogs.
6. target has cute summer dishes.
7. i'm a clutz and broke all my pretty ones last year.
8. shoes don't count.
9. not my choice.
10. see number five.


Brian said...

Not a single comment about your un-natural addiction to Apple products. Oh that more "Yupster" than "White Trashy"? How interchangeable are those again??

Lincoln said...

A couple of things:
How exactly is anything related to jello white trash? I've always associated jellow with mormonism. And...gas station hot dogs are AWESOME!!! Never be ashamed of your love for them.

el viajero said...

Nice post, but I must cavil about two points (ok three). Ahh, sweet retribution for the yuppie comment! ;-)

Pt. 3 - Two buck chuck is for college professors and yuppies who (snobbishly) thumb their noses at Robert Parker and the Wine Spectator set and are drinking to get drunk, but without the social opprobrium of drinking beer and tequlia. White trash people don't shop at those "uppity" trader joes, no matter how cheap the wine. Also, there isn't a trader joe positioned remotely close to a white trash-y neighborhood. When white trash do drink wine (rare), it usually comes in a box, preferably with an easily pronouncable american name (e.g., Boons Farm (not box, I know), appropriately sweet for the over-sucrolized palettes of white trash and teenage girls), thus Franzia is disqualified (sounds far too close to that namby-pamby country France). Bartles and James and other wine coolers might qualify.

Pt. 6 - Plastic beats paper or dinner served out of a frozen dinner tray or KFC/Pizza box, and, as you note, bought at Target doesn't qualify. In particular, brightly colored melamine plastic dinner ware from the sixties is retro chic.

Pt. 7 - Related to pt 3. White trash do not own wine glasses, let alone matching sets. On the rare occassions white trash drink wine it is special and, therefore, is served in plastic cups, possibly even plastic shaped wine stems (weddings only). Otherwise, all beverages (milk, beer, -ades of various sorts, etc.) are either consumed directly out of the container, in "commemorative" Star Wars glasses from Burger King and McDonalds, or in peanut butter jars that have had the label soaked off.

Danielle said...

I have a shot glass collection !

Dave said...

do i need to start bringing home shot glasses for you too?