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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

the one with ben and hookers

a friend invited me to travel with her to italy this summer. i gladly accepted. we'll be staying with her family, therefore all i need is a plane ticket and someone to watch daisy.

i've never kenneled her more than three days at a time. the thought of her in dog prison for two weeks kills me... and my wallet. previously the only person i've trusted her with is the one i'll be traveling with. this leaves ben--the kid who lost his basketball in the back seat of his own car! what hope does daisy have?

before trusting her with ben i should put him through rigorous testing. i considered assigning him a bag of sugar like in high school, but i can see him sticking it in the pantry and pulling it out only when i came over, or eating it all. what will that prove? that he's addicted to sugar?(by the way, why the hell were they teaching us in high school how to care for an infant, but not how to balance a checkbook? life skills my ass.)

perhaps i can bribe him with presents. if he keeps daisy alive i'll bring him back italian leather shoes, the ones he has are looking kinda dingy. or, i'll get him a prostitute for his birthday. if that doesn't guarantee daisy's safety nothing will.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

You are going just for the cheese. I read your columns.