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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Nicotine and Me

Dear Nicotine,

I saw you at the drugstore last night, and I was oh so tempted to toss you in my cart and take you home. I love any new product and one that promises “a neat and tidy nicotine fix” by delivering you into my system via hand gel seemed like a dream come true. Only I don’t smoke, and not for lack of trying.

Remember when I first bought you? You were packed into little tiny Capri cigarettes. The box had pink on it, so I overlooked the granny image and went for it. After one afternoon of smoking on the porch with a neighbor, I quit you. Even at the age of 21 I had commitment issues.

I forgot about you for a while, and then I found Midge. When I met her the two of you were already best of friends. Feeling left out I tried you again. This time in the form of a white trash Newport with a tiny mint Altoid tucked in my cheek to hide the smoky flavor. I tolerated you on occasion, but sadly couldn’t form an addiction.

Two years ago you re-entered my life--this time in the form of a patch. A friend of mine was trying to kick you out of his life… can you imagine? I convinced him that I needed you and he carefully applied the patch on my back. Minutes later I was on the floor of the bathroom puking my guts out. Oh, Nicotine, why do you hate me so? I’d love to lather up my hands with the clean cool gel, all while getting a fix. But I’m sure you can understand why I put you back on the shelf and walked away. Maybe in another life…



Lincoln said...

You should volunteer for science studies or something...maybe something they learn from you can be the "silver bullet" of getting people to quit you'd get paid for putting your body through weird experiments.

ryan said...

Is smoking still the 'cool' thing to do?

Marjorie said...

I will niether confirm nor deny my involvment in this latest tale. If I were to implicate Amy in all of this she would feel as guilty as I do, since she was raised in 'the ghetto' you know elvis's song in the ghetto, where she picked up the habit of smoking New Ports.

JM Bell said...

NOT ONLY do I use the gel, I also have caffeinated soap. It's all about chemicals.