I am considering renewing my faith in Jesus. When Arlo decided to ruin my Friday night plans by getting a date, I did what I do best: I used guilt. When that didn't work I went home and prayed. I prayed to every type of Jesus I could think of: hot Mormon Jesus, dead Jesus, baby Jesus, cross Jesus, resurrected Jesus, carpenter Jesus and every other Jesus imaginable.
And guess what?!
It worked; Arlo's date canceled. Either I'm magic, or there is a Jesus after all. I'm going to investigate further by praying for a skinnier ass, new shoes and a boyfriend. I'll keep you posted.
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12 comments:
My roommate's dog is named Jesus, and I'm a firm believer in him. How can you not love a dog big enough to ride?
Oh. My. God. How did you find the "Jesus" drawings? It's an Onion satire; christ, the guy is from *Niceville, Fla*!
What I want to know, however, is why isn't there a Lawyer "Jesus"? God knows that a lawyer needs "Jesus" more than some stupid carpet layer.
HAA ha ha, where did you find the Jesus site? I've never seen anything as funny. I showed my conservative Mormon sister and she loved it too.
Oh My Jesus, let poor Arlo have a date once in a while. Otherwise how will he come to appreciate how perfect you are for him. Send him on one bad date and he's all yours.
It was Truck Driver Jesus that did the trick.
kiesha: Pita AND Jesus? Wow, that's a full house for sure.
el_viajero: Magic, AKA Jon Deal, AKA Bishop Deal. I love your Jesus in scare quotes. That's my 18th favorite thing about you.
adam: See above.
anon: Great idea, but a date with a girl, or boy?
Sterkworks: Oops, forgot your comment. I'm so fired. Yeah, that's a pretty good Jesus too. As is french horn Jesus.
Me. me, me. Prayer works Sarah, and you will get your new shoes, but maybe the reason you are alone is because you never ask for others, or for Jebus's will.
Anon: I'm single and have no children. Who else would it be about besides me? Also, if asking Jesus is what it takes to gain a BF count me out. I'd rather use my wishes on jeans and shoes.
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