BFF Night

Mrs. AK, and I force Arlo to have BFF nights with us once a week. These nights consist of Arlo attempting to whip a little something up in the kitchen. When Arlo bakes with us around there is always an incident. Remember the MSG cookies? While the baking is happening Mrs. AK and I drink red wine and heckle him. It's a bonding experience we all enjoy.

Sometimes I worry that Arlo feels left out because he doesn't drink wine. To alleviate this I always take a swig off his Diet Coke, leaving enough wine backwash to give anyone a good buzz.

Yesterday at the drugstore while loading up on Vitamin C I found a way he can share in on the red wine fun without partaking of my germ loaded saliva. Also proving I am a caring friend who wants him to reap the benefits antioxidants provide. In one simple purchase I've proven myself as an loving friend who cares about the longevity of a friend's life.

I am Kayak... Hear me Roar

I'm feeling much better today. I went back to work, and it didn't completely suck. Sure, I wanted to be back in bed, but the social aspect was good. I fear The Kid had no one to entertain him, or boss him while I was out and may have been bored. He can pretend he didn't miss me, but I know the truth.

Tonight, however, you wouldn't know I was feeling better. I'm in the same cozy corner on the couch, wearing practically the same uniform of flannel pajama pants, pink fuzzy slipper sock and a Neil Diamond shirt. Though, this version is clean, and less contaminated with death flu germs. I'm snuggled under the same, also newly laundered, blanket watching more Gilmore Girls reruns while reading news sites on my laptop. I should be out celebrating the fact I'm a death flu survivor at the pub with friends, but frankly I can't muster the energy. I'd much rather enjoy the witty banter of my all-time favorite show and long for the days when Midge and I would snuggle in bed with a bottle of red wine while watching, and yell at one another for talking during any dialogue.

Perhaps Arlo would enjoy the show. I use the term enjoy loosely, because he won't, but he also doesn't enjoy Rock of Love and still tolerates it for the sake of shutting me up. And if he refuses I'll use guilt. He's religious, so clearly he responds well to such tactics.

I'm a Believer

I am considering renewing my faith in Jesus. When Arlo decided to ruin my Friday night plans by getting a date, I did what I do best: I used guilt. When that didn't work I went home and prayed. I prayed to every type of Jesus I could think of: hot Mormon Jesus, dead Jesus, baby Jesus, cross Jesus, resurrected Jesus, carpenter Jesus and every other Jesus imaginable.

And guess what?!

It worked; Arlo's date canceled. Either I'm magic, or there is a Jesus after all. I'm going to investigate further by praying for a skinnier ass, new shoes and a boyfriend. I'll keep you posted.

Country Livin'

I drove to the country for the day to help celebrate my grandpa's 80th birthday. Of course, I had to drive by my old stomping grounds. I saw this and couldn't help but laugh. I wonder how much the prom dates are being sold for. I'd love to get Arlo one for his birthday.

Arlo's Plump Perogies

Valentine's Day dinner looked beautiful on the plate, however, later that night it didn't look so pretty coming back up. It's interesting that no one else got sick from the meal. And by "interesting" I mean ARLO IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

He's got plenty of justifiable reasons to want me dead. In fact, the whole thing is rather ironic. Just yesterday, some friends and I were talking about how much grief I give Arlo. We agreed that if he did indeed kill me, no jury in the world would convict him. I'd like to think the reason he attempted to poison me wasn't necessarily due to the fact I force him to watch bad reality TV with me, or the fact I tease him mercilessly, but because I burned the one portion of the dinner I was in charge of:

Bangers for Dinner

When Arlo tried to kill himself to avoid making a traditional Canadian meal, Mrs. AK took matters into her own hands. Her British hands.

Last night she prepared bangers and mash for us. I was more than surprised when I actually liked it. Arlo, on the other hand, scoff at his serving. I have no idea why…

Liar, Liar... Stitches on Fire

I've been known to be a tad demanding. My friends and family will be the first to tell you this. I expect a lot from people, it's just the way I was made. I've learned over the years people can often disappoint me. Case in point: Arlo.

I asked Arlo to teach me to make perogies Wednesday night. He happily agreed to my face, but then behind my back he tried to cut own hand off with a dull kitchen knife in order to get out of teaching me. Perhaps he's lazy; perhaps he's trying to avoid seeing me hurt, like last time. Whatever the case, the lad is just so thoughtless and cruel. I don't think five stitches is a good excuse for breaking promises. Ever.

I'm going to peek under his bandages to be sure he's telling the truth. Like I tell my three-year-old niece, Hannah, boys lie AND carry cooties, therefore cannot be trusted.

Spam Mail Lies

I opened the email, and contrary to the promise, I'm still worried.
Mostly about the following:

1) Who will get the Republican nomination.
2) Driving in the snow.
3) Who will get cut on the next Project Runway.
4) How I'm going to pass my math class.
5) If my bread pudding burn is going to scar.
6) Why my bank about never seems to have a surplus of cash.
7) If yellow tail shiraz is still on sale.
8) If Arlo is going to kick me out of life for making fun of his middle name.

You know important stuff.

Chocolate: The Naughty Treat

I think the universe is telling me to go on a diet. Which sucks because Arlo has promised me I can drown my sorrows in his chocolate, I suppose that’s as naughty as he can be without pissing his bishop off. He’s already skating on thin ice with his God for being friends with me at all.

After an especially crummy day a friend came over to have some dinner and watch the debates. We called to order a pizza and were told they were closed for an hour and to call back. No biggie, it was worth the wait since they have wheat crust. An hour later I called back and was told they were filming a movie and would be closed all night.

Bummer.

We then ordered Chinese food online from Sam Pan, because it’s easier than speaking to actual human beings. An hour and a half later I called to see why our food hadn’t arrived. They didn’t have our order. Stupid technology. Growing moodier by the second I re-ordered and was promised it would arrive in one hour. Thirty minutes later they called and had trouble processing the credit card because it was one number short. We went through the order again.

One hour and fifteen minutes later I had food. It’s never taken three hours to get food to my apartment. Clearly the universe thinks I’m fat and is throwing hints my way. The universe is an ass, but I get the hint and will hit the gym this weekend. When I’m done eating Arlo’s chocolate, of course.

Rock of Sarah

Bret Michaels is coming for me! Or Arlo. Either way... awesome!

Sundance Strangers

"Arlo, will you sit there? I don't want to sit by a stranger."

"Sarah, that's not a stranger that's Ross. He's with us."

"He is? I don't know him."

"Yeah, you do. You've met him a couple of times."

"Ohhh, was he the one dressed like a woman for Halloween?"

"Yes... a geisha."

"Okay, then I definitely don't want to sit by him."

Let the Dancing Begin

My first Sundance movie is tonight. Let the festival begin!

I just hope Arlo doesn’t let me fall if/when I slip on the ice this year. Last year when it happened I was nice about it. This year that won’t be happening.

I’ll punch him.

Hard.

In Utah This Week, Issue #84

To read this week's column go here!

Sniffing is soooo 2007!

Maddie and I welcomed 2008 by kissing our shared date. He's a very lucky lad even if he does need to be constantly reminded of this. He's laughing because I licked him. As far as personal space violations go I think he had it easy. I'm the one who was sniffed earlier in the evening.

Yes, sniffed.

Drunk people tend to overlook personal space rules, which is normally fine but when my ponytail is picked up and sniffed I tend to get a little creeped out. However, I coped with a bottle of wine and felt much better.

I hope everyone had a great night!

Happy Birthday, Little AK

Little AK's birthday was a wild success. I drank good wine, had chocolate cake and heard 15 kids screeching all at once, reminding me I'm no where near ready for parenthood. Luckily I had the foresight to take Advil in advance.

My favorite part of the party took place this morning, long after I'd gone home.

Mrs. AK: "Go get the Hannah Montana doll so I can open it for you."

Little AK: "I thought Daisy's Sarah took it home."

Mrs. AK: "You mean Arlo?"

Little AK: "Oh yeah, I mean Arlo."

I love the way kids think! I belong to Daisy and not the other way around. And that she didn't question Arlo stealing her toys, and in fact sort of expected it.

A Night of Balls

Last night I had dinner with Arlo and the AK's. AK made his famous mozza ball soup. Yup, I ate balls for dinner, and in typical sophomoric fashion I giggled through the entire meal.

I showed up in jeans but quickly shed them for a pair of comfy pink pj pants. I'm not in the habit of taking my pj's everywhere, but the AK's are family so it's perfectly acceptable to opt for comfort over cute.

AK was quite concerned when I didn't put my jeans back on to leave. "Sarah, it's snowing out there. If you get in a wreck you will have to go to the hospital wearing that!"He was horrified at the thought. So I did something completely out of character: I drove slow.

Cooking with Max Headroom

Our Thanksgiving dinner was amazing, even if we did forget a green salad. But as Ben said, "It's just filler. Why waste stomach room on salad?" The entire day was so much fun, even the parts where I learned stuff from Arlo... like how to make gravy. Ben and I made the mashed potatoes, Mormon style--which means lots and lots of fatty ingredients and a Book of Mormon on the kitchen counter for luck.Unfortunately, AK ended up out of the country on a business trip so he wasn't able to be there in person, but thanks to Skype video he was able to supervise our activities. He didn't have a lot of faith in our kitchen skills and made sure we knew where the fire extinguisher was at all times. No, seriously.Mrs. AK, however, didn't need any supervision. Her turkey was perfect! Can't wait until next year!

Obligatory Thanksgiving Post

I have so much to be thankful this year...

I'm thankful I have loving and loyal friends who are family to me. Especially Mrs. AK, who despite being British, planned an all-American Thanksgiving feast complete with a child's place setting for Ben.Speaking of family, even though my parents decided to spend the holiday amongst drug dealers and elderly vacationers, I'm extremely thankful I have both a mom and a dad. I'm also thankful I have such cool brothers, a sister-in-law that I adore, and the most amazing niece and nephew in the entire world.

I could on, but I won't. There's cooking to be done. Granted I'll just be watching, but watch I shall! Obviously I'll be paying closer attention to our Canadian friend's ass, than I will any food preparation, but have complete faith he won't poison me. I think.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!