In Utah This Week, Issue #89

The Yuppie strikes again--click here to read this week's "The Dating Years."

Venting Session Update

Winter: still here. Still sucks. Silver lining: great reason to buy cute coats and boots.

Burn: still hurts. Silver lining: Barbie Band-Aids!

Construction: Still loud. Silver lining: ______!

Math: Pissed about having to install Windows on my computer, but thankful for friends who offer great advice. Silver lining: own a cool new computer with plenty of space for installation.

In other news, it’s one day closer to the weekend! And the weekend brings two birthday parties. Neither of which are for me, but both are great guys who are smart enough to know to provide wine and chocolate cake, right?

Happy Birthday, Little AK

Little AK's birthday was a wild success. I drank good wine, had chocolate cake and heard 15 kids screeching all at once, reminding me I'm no where near ready for parenthood. Luckily I had the foresight to take Advil in advance.

My favorite part of the party took place this morning, long after I'd gone home.

Mrs. AK: "Go get the Hannah Montana doll so I can open it for you."

Little AK: "I thought Daisy's Sarah took it home."

Mrs. AK: "You mean Arlo?"

Little AK: "Oh yeah, I mean Arlo."

I love the way kids think! I belong to Daisy and not the other way around. And that she didn't question Arlo stealing her toys, and in fact sort of expected it.

Friends Who Click

Dear Internet,

As I looked around the multiple birthday celebrations this weekend I couldn't help but notice a theme. Well, beyond the "drunken good times" theme I always abide by. I'm talking about the friends I've found through you. You've brought so many spectacular people into my life I might not have found otherwise.

Thank you for that, and I'll consider it my birthday gift this year, since you didn't provide me with free shipping from Sephora.

Love, Sarah

A Family Birthday

Dear Mom,

Happy Birthday! This year for your birthday I’ve given you the gift of eternal youth. “How,” you ask? I’m not posting your real age for the entire world to read. That’s how much I love you!

I’m extremely lucky to be your daughter. You’re everything I’m not: sweet, kind and caring. I have these traits somewhere inside of me, I just choose to share them with people I care about, not everyone like you do. I’ve always admired that about you—your ability to care about anyone and everyone you meet.

You’ve been such an amazing influence on my life. You’ve always been tremendously supportive of my creativity and I will eternally be grateful for that. I know at times it wasn’t easy. Like the time I painted the cat because I wanted to be an artist; Or the time I faked sick for an entire week at age eight so I could stay home and write the next bestseller; Or the time I told my primary class I wanted to be a prostitute when I grew up because I wanted to play with boys all day and get presents. You have the patience of an angel, and I’ll always love you for that.

I hate change and I think I’m finally at a point in my life I don’t freak out and need you every time said change happens. That makes me happy and sad at the same time. I loved being able to call you night or day and knowing that just hearing your voice will make everything okay… and it always was. You’ve been a magnificent mother and I can’t imagine a life without you. You’ve always been there for me and that is the best feeling in the world.

I know I didn’t turn out the way you’d hoped. I gave up long ago the belief system you hold dear, but Mom, you’re what I hold dear and I’ll never ever give that up. You’ll always be my Mommy.


I love you!

Love,
Your Princess