Cookies or Bust

I am a woman obsessed. I've been stalking small children on the street, girl children to be specific. I need Girl Scout cookies! I no longer work for a company where parents peddle cookies for their children. I'm thinking about quiting my current job and searching for one with sugar benefits.

The Yuppie works for a company with sugar benefits. He scored me two boxes of my very favorite cookies: Samoas. (I think I ate my weight in Thin Mints a few years ago so I had to find a new favorite.) This was very sweet of him... mmm... sweet like cookies, but I probably won't see him until Friday. My sweet tooth will not wait patiently until Friday. So, I decided to stalk every grocery store in a 10 mile radius of my house. Finally, today, I found a grocery store with small girl children and cookie boxes. Yay! While I stood in line waiting for my turn, I calculated how many boxes I could justify without having to make an extra trip to the gym.

Then something tragic happened... they were out of Samoas! I panicked and asked for anything chocolate. Nadda. All they had left was some sort of shortbread bullshit. Trying to avoid a string of expletives in front of the children I bit my lip. It bled. And let me tell you, blood tastes nothing like the perfection of vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolate strips. Nothing!

How many minutes until Friday?

It's Tuesday and my body is still sore as hell. Sports are hard.

I made The Kid go to lunch with me today. He hated it 43% of the time. Hate is good for you, like protein.

Wondering if the bruises all over my legs will fade so I can wear a skirt to the symphony with The Yuppie. If not he has an excellent back up plan: I will be Kristen and he will be Client #9. His profession may be the epitome of boring,but he is not.

My iPhone is no longer the bane of my existence. It may lock up occasionally but if that's the price I must pay to have Hello Kitty on it, so be it.

I've been with my new company for three months and I only remember the names of ten people. Much like sports, names are hard.

I have a new column debuting next week with In Utah This Week and have yet to come up with a proper name. This stresses me out. I told you, names are hard!

In Utah This Week, Issue #93

This week's installment of "The Dating Years."

Quote of the Day:

"There is something to be said about dying young and leaving a good-looking corpse. Necrophilia is so much more palatable when you look like Heath Ledger."--The Yuppie

I seriously have the best collection of ex-boyfriends this state has to offer. Now, to keep them all single so we can remain friends always. That's not too selfish, right?

In Utah This Week, Issue #89

The Yuppie strikes again--click here to read this week's "The Dating Years."

why the yuppie is still around

i received the following text message from him last night:

"i think i'm going to give up (current profession) & become a philematologist. care to be my research assistant?"

"does that come with dental?", was my reply. i feel it's important to have nice teeth if you're going to spend your days making out.

progress!

the yuppie gave me this book this morning. i can't decide if he thinks i'm someone else, or is encouraging my judgemental side.

i'm a sucker for a man who buys me books-- ice cream and books, oh, and maybe shoes, but i digress.

you'll notice i assigned a "the yuppie" label on my blog. i've got commitment issues as messy as my closet, but i think it's a step in the right direction. i bet if i had a life coach or a therapist, they'd be proud.

baby-steps...