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Tuesday, March 04, 2008

News of Importance

Things in today’s news I don’t care about:

American Idol contestant previous life as a stripper
If the movie "Juno" has taught us anything previous strippers are like totally talented. Besides, I hate this show. As much as Sabby wants me to watch it and like it, I won't. Ever.

Brett Favre retires from NFL

Who, what? Huh?

Eddie Van Halen has medical tests

It’s a miracle the dude is still alive anyway. Let me know what it's a good aging rock star, then I'll care.

Things in today’s news I do care about:

Paris Hilton gives away diamonds on street
As always I have a love/hate relationship with Paris. Either way I’d accept diamonds from her. In the street or in bed. I’m not picky when it comes to jewels.

Avalanche on Mars
I care because it’s a given at some point AK will want to discuss and I’ve found it’s so much easier to take part in the conversation rather than picturing in my mind different ways to sneak out of the room without anyone noticing. Dude has a planet fetish. Once again proving it’s a miracle he ever scored a babe like Mrs. AK.

Drunk Three Year Old
Yeah, that sucks. Why waste liquor on a kid that can’t even appreciate it? Send it to me. I’ll appreciate it enough to send them a lovely thank you card in the mail.

I think it’s time to re-evaluate what I feel is important.


Anonymous said...

I hate Paris, but I'd take diamonds from her anytime. I'd immediately disinfect them.

Sra said...

I love American Idol, and I'm not ashamed to say it!

ak said...

that's an awesome picture in the article... not sure how I missed it. you should definitely email this to JB.

Anonymous said...

NASCAR, now Brett Favre. Hm.

Sterkworks said...

Communion wine? Drunk on Jesus? Give that child the benefit of the doubt.

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