Daily Gems

1) Just because it tastes good in a restaurant doesn't necessarily mean it will taste good at home unless you actually know how to cook. I don't.

2) Reusable grocery bags are useless when left in the car. They are however, handy for helping to carry groceries inside the house.

3) Childless grown men milling around the Easter Bunny at the mall are just plain creepy. Avoid at all costs, or get their phone number for Maddie.

Sniffing is soooo 2007!

Maddie and I welcomed 2008 by kissing our shared date. He's a very lucky lad even if he does need to be constantly reminded of this. He's laughing because I licked him. As far as personal space violations go I think he had it easy. I'm the one who was sniffed earlier in the evening.

Yes, sniffed.

Drunk people tend to overlook personal space rules, which is normally fine but when my ponytail is picked up and sniffed I tend to get a little creeped out. However, I coped with a bottle of wine and felt much better.

I hope everyone had a great night!

Boo to You and Yours

I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Halloween, even though I'm not a fan of the holiday.

Halloween week freaks me out... I hate seeing people dressed weird and wondering if it's their normal attire or a costume. Case in point, last week I saw a couple sporting Spock ears while downtown for the Sarah Vowell reading. Costume or just freaks?

I'll be celebrating the holiday the best way I know how: drunk in Maddie's basement watching bad vampire flicks.

And here's to hoping her fat cat left me some candy!

IN This Week--The Dating Years--Issue#75

To read this week's installment of "The Dating Years" go here!!

Drug-Free?

Walking to the pub last night for Family Home Evening I saw this painted on the sidewalk: I love watching for sidewalk art so it was a good find, but the best part was when I noticed the drug free sign on the school three feet away! The laughter kept Maddie and I warm the remainder of the way. Which was good since I forgot proper winter attire.

Spoon Me If You Can!

Girl's Night Out last night led us to Red Rock for burgers and beer and then to Spoon Me for frozen yogurt. I'm usually anti anything that could be a venue for Mormon dating, but with the promise of a healthy ice cream alternative my ass and I were game.

Maddie was feeling bitter about eating cold food in the cold, but settled down once Hannah spooned her in the bathroom.

As for me? I got my spooning later on in the evening. And it was good.

Saved by the Pill

No, not that pill.

I wish my life were a romantic comedy. Not for the romance, and certainly not for the comedy, but for the convenience.

Have you seen "Good Luck Chuck?" Don't. The only redeeming quality is a visual of the well pantied Jessica Alba. Damn she's hot--total girl crush here. In the movie she breaks her tooth and just her luck Dane Cook, her love interest, is a dentist.

I need this! I broke my tooth over the weekend and can't get into a dentist until tomorrow morning. Why are there no sexy dentists lining up at my door? Where's Dane Cook and his bad acne scars when you need him?

I have every single kind of engineer you could need in my family, but not one one damn dentist. Worthless. Luckily I do have a friend with chronic back pain and a never ending supply of painkillers. Dear friend, thank you for saving me from a very painful existence.

Movie Etiquette

When you enter a movie plan ahead how many seats you’re going need. It’s one thing to ask the people next to you to move down once, but twice… NOT COOL! At that point I’m forced to make a dramatic scene and step over the seats in an effort to move a row ahead, leaving Maddie no choice but to follow. Unfortunately she got her foot stuck in the seat, somehow absorbing my bad karma for being a bitch in public.

We saw "Across the Universe" which was good, but entirely too long for someone who a) had zero patience left due to the above mentioned assholes, and b) self diagnosed attention deficit disorder.

My mood was magically lifted with a glass of red wine and a Red Rock burger. Seriously, that was all it took. Sometimes I'm easy, just don't mention that to my mom.

Clean Hair is Bad Luck

I'm never washing my hair again. We really know that's not true--I'm a product addict, but for a moment this morning I seriously considered it.

Maddie and I attended a singles event at The Depot last night. A friend of a friend started a dating service. Showing support and being mildly curious we went. I washed my hair and Maddie shaved her legs. Together we were one hygienic hottie.

It wasn't what I was expecting... desperation comes in all forms. We left after a few minutes and went to the food court. My desperation is in the form of Taco Time. Washing my hair and wearing cute new shoes for a mall food court is not my idea of a night on town. There's not a flask big enough for that--trust me, I've looked.