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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

A Wedding In The Family

My brother Jeff and his girlfriend announced their engagement over the weekend. I have a lot of brothers so to avoid confusion:

Matt: 30, married to Holli and father of Carter and Hannah.
Jeff: 26, soon-to-be married to Chrissy and while he got the looks in the family, his hair line is receding.
Ben: 23, married to his banjo and has gross facial hair.
Chady-bear: 19, baby of the family with a Japanese future.
Me: 31 going on 21, princess of the family (obviously!).

All caught up? Good. Moving on, Chrissy asked me via text message to be her bridesmaid. The truth is I’d do practically anything for a pretty dress and shoes!

But it got me thinking, is text messaging really an acceptable form of communication? Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of text messaging since I hate talking on the phone. However, for certain items of conversation I think a phone call is better. Is it me? Am I turning into an old woman, and if so do I have to get cats?

Congratulations guys! I’m going to be a step-aunt to a hula dancer! And you can’t beat that.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

snow day

sorry guys, i had no idea my mood affected storm patterns. i must be magic! it took me nearly an hour just to get to the freeway this morning. here's the intersection i was stuck at:which only ben will find ironic. last spring he asked me every single day to go to the banjo store with him. i refused every single day. the kid is already weird, buying a banjo was not going to help his image. of course, he's a brat and didn't listen--as you can see here.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

Elder Bear goes to Japan

Ben and I drove to the country today to have lunch with my parents and grandparents. My baby brother Chady-Bear received his mission call this week, so the lunch conversation turned into a God-fest rather quickly. Usually I eat really fast and escape from the table before this happens. Today I wasn't so lucky.

My mother was telling a missionary story, which like a horrrible daugher I wasn't paying attention to until she said "the spirit touched her." Without thinking I immediately responded saying, "isn't that illegal?" I thought for sure everyone would freak out since my grandparents were there. Before my mother could give me the look of death my grandmother burst out laughing. I really do have the best, most understanding family ever.

Friday, February 23, 2007

"Men I don't know. Shoes, I know."

I want a life coach. Scratch that. I need a life coach! I cannot be trusted to make my own decisions anymore, especially when it comes to men in my life. The good ones I manage to walk away from. The ones who are bad for me I keep around. Not anymore. I'm giving that up for Lent. Because now I totally get Lent. Wikipedia knows everything--way more than that stupid Dex guy in the phonebook commercials.

I can pick out an excellent pair of shoes (i.e. my new camouflage ballet flats), but I can't pick a man to save my life. Not that I'm comparing men to shoes. Shoes, for me, last longer. I still have (and wear) my first pair of Cons. Yes, I own the same shoes I did in high school. I'm cool like that.

I'm serious about this life coach thing. Therapists are so last year...

Second chance for Superhero! Column 2/22/07

All right, here's the column for this week--go here!

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Front & Center

I don't need a reason to heart SLCup, but if I did it would be the pug off sticker she gave me today at lunch. She gave little puggie an eye-patch. Now that's friendship!

Genetics will get you in the end!

I'm slowly turning into my Mom, which wouldn't be so bad if it were her good traits. She is the kindest most loving person I've ever known. She is a nurse and has this need to help people, even when outside of the hospital. This includes giving her daughter's favorite coat away to someone who needed it more. Yeah, it happened, but I couldn't be mad.

My Mom is sort of an airhead, as is Ben. Growing up I don't know how many times we left the house just to turn around and go back, because she forgot to turn off her curling iron. Ben is the one who lost his basketball in the back seat of his car. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?!

It's always driven me mad, until now. Why the change? Because I've joined their club.

I've been wanting to see The Queen, and finally talked a friend into taking me to see it last night. The movie starts and I realized I had already seen it. I was livid! My friend laughed at me for the rest of the evening. It sucked, since I didn't love the movie the first time around.

If that were the only airhead moment...

Last week Daisy was chewing at her paws, as she often does due to allergies. When this happens I spray her paws with a bitter spray to keep her from chewing them. Twenty minutes after covering her paws in the stuff I noticed she was not only chewing at them more, but licking them as well. I accidentally got some of the spray on my hand before and know it tastes like hell in a bottle. Something was wrong. I picked up the bottle and noticed it was the wrong spray. I had just sprayed mint tasting dental spray on her paws. How I mixed up these two bottles is beyond me!If Daisy chews her own feet off, I can only blame myself!

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


For the past 23 years I've been convinced my mother lies about where Ben came from. Yes, I know all about the birds and bees. Boy do I know! Not that. I thought Ben had to be adopted or left on our doorstop by gypsies. Because we all know gypsies pass through Delta a lot. He looks nothing like me, or so I thought.

This picture proves me wrong, and my mother right. I really, really hate that!Excuse Ben's need for tweezers, our exhausted eyes, and the zit I call Pluto on my chin. It was a long day.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Double Birthday, Double Trouble

My niece and nephew, Hannah & Carter, turned three today. I made a quick trip to God's country for the party. It was a half princess and half cars party. The kids had a great time and I got a princess takeaway bag.

Here's a few video clips of the kids singing to themselves. Take note of Hannah singing "Happy Birthday to just me" in typical princess fashion.

**Hannah and Carter, Happy Birthday! Your auntie Sarah loves you dearly and is very thankful such cute, spunky kids came into her life. I love you more than chocolate. Seriously.

Always On My Mind

Today marks the beginning of Willie Nelson week. A week devoted entirely to Willie & weed. Since I don't actually smoke weed, I'll just add extra basil to my food this week and consider it good enough. You may be asking why devote this particular week. Simple. Ben and I will be taking a trip to St. George on Tuesday to see the great WN in concert.

We have a small obsession with him. When we were kids my grandparents purchased the Willie Nelson ranch located near Spanish Fork, Utah. I requested my parents change the spelling of my last name from Nielson to Nelson. As usual they marked it up as my "crazy imagination" and the spelling stayed.

The obsession reached its height when I was 12. I hated all things country, with the exception of Willie, Johnny Cash and my beloved grandfather. I fondly remember riding the 4-wheelers around his ranch while trying to keep my hair from being blown out of my side ponytail. I just knew that Willie couldn't just walk away from the ranch, and that he must secretly fly to Utah every few weeks just to check on things. My family always thought it was odd that I primped before going out on the ranch, but I was convinced Willie was watching me. I had to look good!

I found an old plaid snap shirt in the barn that I still own. I'm convinced it was Willie's shirt, and hangs proudly at the back of my closet. I may even wear it to the concert, since I probably won't have time to find pink cowgirl boots in time.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

a venting session

do you ever have those days where the smallest things nearly cause you to snap? yesterday was that day for me. it started out great, slcup and i had a successful shopping trip where i brought home polka dot shoes and a butterfly bag. we decided to make a night of it and hit the gateway for a movie followed up by drinks at iggy's.

after spending 30 minutes searching for parking in the garage my patience was lost. arriving at the theater the lines were absolutely insane. i went straight to the concession line thinking if i just had a diet coke i'd feel better. i gave up after 10 minutes and met slcup in the theater. we saw music and lyrics, despite my current hate of all things british i still love the very shaggable hugh grant!

i enjoyed the movie with the exception of old man fucker, who sat behind me and kicked my seat in sync with the music. which is unfortunate, because as the title implies there's a lot of music! it took every once of self control not to turn around and punch him. instead, i compiled the following list in my head.

movie theater no-no's:
1. never ever step on someone's beautiful new bag.
2. under no circumstances is it appropriate to play ddr on the back of someone's seat.
3. laying your feet across the seat of a complete stranger is not okay and just plain creepy.
4. text messaging during anything beyond the previews may result in your demise.
5. loudly fighting with your date is unacceptable--take your foreplay elsewhere.

Friday, February 16, 2007

the great bowling experiment of 2007

before i post the following picture, i'd like to remind you that sometimes pictures are deceiving. i do not have one leg and two feet. i do, however, have really baggy jeans.

without further ado...
after spending entirely too many hours logged in bowling on the wii, i decided it was high time i left the house and pay tribute to a real bowling alley. a real bowling alley is one that serves beer in red plastic cups and makes me wear ugly shoes!

as i settled in i heard a familiar voice, one that could only belong to fellow blogger theorris. we've been discussing getting together for a bloggerfest, but to date nothing had been planned. apparently accidentally stalking him was the way to get him on the ball.

after bowling three games i realized i'm a much better wii bowler. remember the time i went office bowling and got a turkey? me, too. i had high hopes. at best last night i bowled a 87, my high wii score this week is 162. i blame the ball weight. i need something lighter than 10 pounds. perhaps it's time to choose a ball that fits my hand rather than by color.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

the party circuit: getting my geek on. column 2/15/07

go here to read my party girl column!

i woke up this morning to an inbox full of emails asking how my valentine's day date went last night. you can read all the details in my column next week, but i will tell you it was "super"!

thanks to everyone for the great emails!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Happy Valentine's Day!

I love Valentine's Day! So much in fact, I'm using proper punctuation and capitalization for this post. Now, that's love!

Boo on all you that think it's not a real holiday. Would Google change the mastiff on their home page if it weren't? Um, yeah. I hate hearing men complain about it, come on guys it's your freebie get some day. Buying flowers or even a card it not going to kill you.

I won't get into specifics about my date tonight, you can read about it later in my column. I will, however, tell you about my Valentine's lunch date. PMK, JB, AK and I went up to The Capitol today to see one of my favorite people in action. We ate in the cafeteria where I saw Rob and met Wayne Holland.

A special thanks to Big for the heart sucker! It's a good day when your candy perfectly matches your clothing, an accessory made entirely of sugar.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

open mouth, insert sequined covered foot.

when i told pmk and jb today i got the clap, their jaws dropped. after a moment they realized what i was trying to say, in std free language.

let me explain...

it's no secret i have a shoe fetish. i find great delight in co-workers noticing my adorable footwear. the geeks never do. which is fine, they are after all geeks...and men. there's the cutest chinese woman who works with me. everytime she likes my shoes she squeals with glee and claps her hands. i love it!

so when i wore my new "who needs ballet lessons when you can buy the best part" shoes, she clapped.

Monday, February 12, 2007

the smell of cheap bar soap, or the day i didn't die at trolley square...

if i don't smell like warm vanilla sugar tomorrow you'll have to forgive me. you see, i ran out of shower gel and lotion this morning and when i stopped by trolley square tonight to pick some up, the only thing i picked up was the feeling of terror. i parked and started to walk into the mall when i was nearly crushed by hordes of people running out.

i'm home safe on my couch and realize my karma isn't nearly as horrible as i thought.

things i am thankful for:

i've never once been mistaken for a drag queen.

let sleeping dogs lie

i spent my sunday evening studying. i took a break to make some dinner, and when i came back there was daisy sound asleep on my english book. i'm no expert, but i don't think osmosis works for dogs. not wanting to risk it, i watched the grammy awards instead.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

sunday bloody sunday

my cousin had her baby blessed this morning at church. ben and i were supposed to be there at 9:00. we both overslept and didn't make it. i text him when i woke up and told him we were the worst cousins ever, but at least well rested ones. he agreed and i imagine went right back to sleep.

not only am i bad with mornings, but i'm bad with religion. i get so bored at church. i just don't have the attention span for it. i sit and think about all the other stuff i could be doing. which is why i think someone needs to create iChrist. think, podcast religion--i could be spiritually enlightened while at the gym, grocery shopping or even at sbux.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

how the movie industry ruined my life:

i saw the wedding date today. when i heard the line "i'd rather fight with you than make love with anyone else" i realized this is why i'm single. hearing cheesy classic lines like that and never hearing them in life has forever ruined me. damn actors!

Friday, February 09, 2007


nintendo is awesome. i love the idea of reading the news on a gaming system, especially when the reporter is a pal of mine. in fact, i feel that in order to be a better friend i need to own a wii. if that's not justification i don't know what is!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

ask and ye shall receive

i found this on my doorstep tonight:i thought perhaps the mormon visiting teachers had struck again. that is until i took a closer and ice cream, my guilty pleasure foods! who says dreams don't come true?

a huge thanks to the god of sugar and beer for providing some much needed comfort food!!

work husbands--column 2/08/07

it's no secret i've been in a funk lately. with the changes at my office i'm losing all the things important to me. go here to read the latest. feel free to send me sympathy ice-cream--i like chocolate peanut butter the best.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

practicing for a career in porn

daisy, who did you think i she's got a future in pug porn:

i tried to get a better shot, but at that point she was more into role playing--who am i to judge? i introduce you to kitty pug:

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Monday, February 05, 2007

super "sarah behaved" bowl

urban princess and i went to a super bowl party at a friend of a friend's house yesterday. the hostess, katie, was very sweet to let us all come over. it was because of her hospitality that i behaved myself. early in the evening, she walked across the room with her pink ipod in hand. in typical football fashion i wanted to throw my body across the room, tackle her, and intercept the beautiful ipod. BUT, since i was a guest in her home i didn't.

there was a new guy in the midst, a very, very smart new guy. he noticed i was wearing pink 'roos, and commented how great they were. i think he almost believed me when i mentioned they made me run faster and jump higher. in fact, i almost believed myself.

the game was interesting enough, but i was really there to see prince and sadly no nipple was shown this year. i do appreciate a good nipple to break up the monotony of football...

i had a great time, and was lucky enough to sample some very tasty chocolate espresso beer. needless to say, i was in heaven.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

it's february..

..which on one hand makes spring closer and that makes me very happy, but on the other hand it means it's time to worry about valentine's day and the fact i don't have a date or even a prospect of a date. valentine's day is one of my favorite holidays, obviously because of the pink factor. i know it's a silly, cheesy holiday, but i love it all the same.

midge and i used to go out to dinner and give one another gifts when we didn't have boyfriends. midge is married and with child so i don't see that happening this year. totally sucks, since i love vday gifts--buying them, and receiving them alike. i wonder if it's inappropriate to give them to ex boyfriends, especially since i've been working on this:

Friday, February 02, 2007

the british invasion

as i previously mentioned the company i work for was acquired by a much larger company. this new company is british. in the past i have embraced and loved all things british: ak’s wife, hobnobs, obnoxious union jack clothing, the beatles and sex pistols. after this week, however, i’m starting to feel a bit less loving towards the brits.

there have been a lot of changes lately, and as many of you know i’m not good with change. i tend to lean towards stability. yeah, yeah…”change is exciting”, blah blah—i don’t buy it.

today my beloved mac was replaced by a pc (gasp!). i held my little lois one last time giving her a little rub on her special spot, when the british computer guy ripped her from my hands. but, I don’t give up so easy. i held on for dear life. he finally gave me a very threatening look and firmly told me to let go. so what did i do? i did my best to embrace the change and let go. although, i did write her name with a sharpie on the bottom, when he wasn't looking; her next owner deserves to know what to call her.

i have a feeling i’m in for a very bumpy ride.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

column 2.1.07

it's thursday kids, and you know what that means: column day! to read go here. i apologize in advance to those i offend with my jesus talk.

if you'd rather be entertained than offended go here. where you can read all about supercondo--and here you thought i was making that place up!