new career?

it's funny the signs ben leaves to let me know he's here for the weekend...

gallivanting about town...

the best thing about the wednesday nights at the gallivan center is the dots--when the beer line is too long, go for the sugar! sitting down to watch the "cool" kids have seizures alongside local bands is my idea of fun; had i been just a bit more intoxicated i would have joined--next time, i swear!

feel, err...fill me up!

looking over my bank account post vegas i found this: PURCHASE - SALES TERRIBLES #___ LAS VEGAS NV $53.73 . i don't remember hitting any adult super stores, but you never know. so, i went through all my receipts and found one in the same amount for gasoline. sure enough the station was called terrible's, how i failed to notice is beyond me. maybe, just maybe they feel so badly about gas prices they named the station accordingly.

department of fishing and drinking

when traveling to vegas with an old fratboy you can count on one of two things: a) stopping by the frat house for a "quick" bathroom break, or b) stopping by the favorite college watering hole. please note i use old fratboy in humor, as there is no such thing, once a fratbrat always a fratbrat. this is one of those things that men just can't let go of, frat stories and remote controls, whatever.i threw a fit until i saw the sign, this girl is always up for a good beaver bar!

potty-talk

why is it that co-workers think it’s ok to talk to me while in the restroom?

potty break means just that, a break! can't you just refrain from walking in and attempting to hold a conversation while i’m in a stall, especially when you’re discussing work. i'll ignore you, so really i guess it's like the rest of the day.

please, for the love of god…let me wipe in silence!

blending it, vegas style.

when i think of brew pub food i expect certain things, you know, beer food: pizza, nachos, and all things appetizer; sushi and oysters require sake, not american beer. i understand vegas likes to mix things, but please for the love of strippers and all else holy, leave the breweries alone!

these strange mixes cause middle-aged men to drink, a lot. thank god, the man at the table next to me decided to wait until i finished my dinner to puke into his own lap. so, being a fellow puker, yes, sometimes i can't hold my alcohol either (stop judging, i said SOMETIMES) i walked over and politely handed him my stack of napkins. as i walked out of the restaurant i heard him claim "wasabi sucks", then make plans to hit the floor, for some reason i think he'll end up hitting a different floor then planned, just a thought...

vegas, putting mormon protestors to shame since 1905.

sometimes a girl needs a little excitement, what place better to find it then vegas, right? i knew i was off to a good start when my cab driver was named joseph smith. there is a god, and he has the same sense of humor i do. praise that lord!

helpful office tips

a memo to my co-workers:

when saving my number into your phone always use my first and last name, a seemingly innocent message requesting help turns dirty, oh so dirty rather quickly.
and yes, i liked it...

the few, the proud, the safe!

every so often, i realize ben and i are indeed biological brother and sister, today happens to be one of those days. the kid's vacationing in puerto rico, which is good because emo kids need sun too. when i asked him to send me some pictures i should have been more specific, i.e. beaches, hot women in teensy bikinis, you know...vacation pictures--instead i get this:of course after seeing this i immediately called him in hopes that wallace realty is selling this little gem. if i'm not spotted at a local sbux in the near future, you'll know where to find me, right? i'll be the proud new proprietor of super condom, the store for champions!

'burb-bux

thursday nights are my favorite night of the week, it's coffee club night; the girls and i meet at sbux every thursday. tonight we tried something new, a new venue, sorta--which will now be known as 'burb bux. you see, aimee retired and moved to the 'burbs, and i've been spending a significant amount of time out there as well, so it made sense to move the club.

in my life when something makes sense i should know to steer the hell clear, lesson learned. in the future, when i see motorcycles parked in front of sbux i'll know NOT to go in, because when you do you, find yourself amidst old men attempting hip-ness, this is never a good thing (remember that boys). i'm a chronic eavesdropper, so of course i was able to catch the tail end of their conversation. the topic: myspace and real estate, why you would mix the two is beyond me, but whatever. the argument was whether or not you could sell houses on myspace, or if it was indeed a porn site as they had heard on the news.

to clarify:
-beachcruisers and cruisers are not the same
-vespas are the official "bike" of sbux
-myspace isn't suicide girls
-real estate can be sold on craigs list

sigh...

families can be forever...in shame!

the mother, ben, and i went to dinner tonight at the ever so unique (insert sarcasm here) mimi's cafe. the clan gets together every so often for entertainment purposes only, quality family time in my family isn't so much quality as it is someone leaving in absolute embarrassment. case in point, my mom was discussing her upcoming girls weekend, "i hope they grabbed me a big unit, i need a big unit", to ben's utter shock and horror she just kept repeating big unit; he tried to escape by slumping further into his seat only to realize his face was smack dab in the middle of his mashed potatoes. i tried to tell her the perverse connotation, only to hear her say it's not her fault what people perceive things as. poor, poor ben...it can't be easy to have us as the women in his life.

once again folks, you wonder why i'm a shit, when it can be so clearly blamed on genetics!

carbon budget?

to follow up on the previous post...
if anyone is interested in seeing how much CO2 they put into the air, go to this calculator.

warming up

thank god al gore invented the movie screen so i was able to watch his documentary inconvenient truth tonight, great movie and very informative. i used to have a crush on the man, circa 2000 (stop judging!), so i was more than happy to dedicate my evening to his cause. i even rushed right home to recycle, and by rush i mean i drove slowly to burn less gasoline...err bio-diesel.

every once in a while, i'm pro global warming, like right now--justin has the ac cranked and i'm freezing. bring on the co2! come tomorrow morning when i walk into the office and old old man gray has winter going i'll feel the same way...

if you haven't seen it yet, go. if you have, did the end credits annoy you too?

original gangster

the infamous ltb is in town, which means murphy’s can finally make back some of that money they’ve no doubt been losing since the big bad move to dc. i decided to go out with the tommy entourage last night; these shakers move fast, when i finally met up with them they were on the third bar of the evening, shucks. after pointing out that i was the designated driver this showed up at our table:planned or unplanned? either way i remain impressed, that tommy sure knows how to show a fellow countryman a good time. oh and just so you know, "iced tea" may cause one to fall off their stool, sure you can blame the slick chair but i'm going to place blame on the tea brew. (this new drink brings out the best in people, and by best i mean best morbid stories!)

to further my white trash girl claims:

(and you thought the walmart dvd player was bad!)

worth every walmart penny

my dvd player recently died, after the proper mourning period i started searching for a new one. i accidentally bought a princess pink disney one, oops.

ben is staying with me on the weekends until school starts up again. i came home to find him on the couch staring blankly at the new dvd player, only to comment that he will never watch a movie there again. success!!

i'm seeing blue

my life is over. my life as a fun, beer-drinking, stripper watching party girl.

this was realized last night, when i was in bed at 9:51pm. yes, you read correctly...ninefreakingfiftyone. i'm old, and boring.

as i laid there in bed a quote from old school kept running through my head. remember when some hot little thing asked frank the tank what his plans for saturday were? let's refresh...

Well, um, actually a pretty nice little Saturday, we're going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don't know, I don't know if we'll have enough time.

i feel like the bed, bath, & beyond poster child, finding a coupon for the store on justin's counter the next morning doesn't exactly help, now does it?

D-E-P-R-E-S-S-I-N-G!!!

"people go nuts over vacuums"

the geeks and i had a costco lunch. there is just something about the costco that pleases geeks and girls alike. we looked at industrial sized fans, patio covers, and fake beach bikes before settling on a dyson vacuum for the pmk house. i'm not exactly sure how shopping for patio covers and vacuums are related, but i'm sure somewhere in those geeky minds they are. i'm also unsure of what an extra lifetime filter is, does owning a dyson somehow bring you a longer lifespan or a second one altogether?

and is it just me or does bare floor tool sound a little dirty, not time to vacuum the crumbs off the floor dirty, but paris hilton dirty.

i'm confused.

"we're watching a recreation of an event that never occurred".

86,000 mullets
25,000 handlebar mustaches
countless george hamilton worthy women
family of 7 dressed in matching florescent pink tee-shirts
2 seemingly normal people

that's right, i'm accounting for the general public at the air show yesterday.

when you know people in high places, you're privy to some behind by scenes action: you're able to walk past the "red line" which is guarded with heavily armed men. you're good to go unless you're not paying attention and decide to walk through a dog demonstration on your way back, and by you're i'm referring to me. i know what you kids are thinking, sarah...not pay attention, never!

the highlight of the day was being able to see the jets up close! my favorite being the f16, this is nothing new as i've been obsessed since i watched iron eagle for the first time. it was an incredible experience being able to sit in the cockpit of one......as well as stand mere feet away as it took off--what an incredible rush!
seeing the kids intently playing with their new toy jets, yet stopping midair to look in awe as a pilot walked by was heartwarming (yes, i'm a secret sap). i guess i'm not the only one with too many jet flicks in their past, or maybe star wars since that's exactly where the below stealth looks like it came from...it was a fantastic day, one that i'm going to remember for quite some time, thanks flyboy!!!

day tripper (pmk guest blog)

Sarahbellum walks by my office at least ten times a day. Not that I’m counting or anything, but during those strolls, she will generally trip and stumble at least once a week. Now, it would be one thing of she was actually stumbling on some sort of object, but the floor is totally flat in the spot she trips (right in front of my door). At first, I used to think she was tripping over the drain cover that sits a little to the right, but upon closer observation, she is actually tripping on nothing. It’s quite amusing, but someday I’m afraid I will have to pick up a bloodied Sarahbellum and escort her to the hospital with a broken nose. So here are a few suggestions, Sarah:

- Lower the floor.
- Don’t wear flip-flops to work.
- Cordon off the offending spot on the carpet that you trip on.

Or you could actually just pick up your feet when you walk.

**thanks for the advice pmk, however, i think you're just jealous of my pink 'roos!

sticker this...

why some people shouldn’t be allowed to own vehicles:

patented dirty look

i’ve loved the eels, since hearing novocain for the soul on one of my favorite movies, dreams for an insomniac (go figure). so, when i saw they were playing at the depot last night, it was a must. sadly flyboy was unable to make the show, something, something…emergency landing in some corn state; luckily justin didn’t have plans for the night and agreed to be my date as long as i was the designated driver. go ahead and get a feel for my enthusiasm:the band was amazing, complete with a band member whose dance moves would put napoleon dynamite and bruce lee to shame! that’s right, i finally understand the kung fu hustle; it’s not a just a movie kids, but a sequence of dance moves performed by the hulky onstage “security guard”. it was a good night, well except for the end of the evening when i fell down the stairs. i always joke that i can’t make it out of my house in the morning without getting hurt, apparently leaving a concert venue is the same story, different bruise.

fortunate one

to celebrate marky being home from amsterdam, we went out for chinese. i'm not entirely sure why we are celebrating american soul with chinese food, but whatever. much like everyone i love opening my fortune cookie, obviously not for the nasty stale cookie. i read my fortune, and if i like it and want it to come true, only then do i choke down the nasty cookie. i opened my cookie, found this great one, and immediately wolfed it down (not taking any chances)! when i read it to our lovely, blue-eyed marky, he was quick to point out it wasn't him. brat!

for the record, this is justin's ungloved hand, not mine! no dead man hands found here.

stealing MY thunder

i'm going to the hill afb air show this weekend! i'm pretty excited since i've never been to one before, in preparation jb sent me a link to the site--where i found this little goodie:

The following items will not be allowed inside the 2006 Air Show:

Firearms/ammunition
Knives
Self defense weapons
Bows and arrows
Explosive materials
Disabling chemicals
Martial arts weapons
BB guns
Compressed air guns
Firearm replicas
Flammable Items
Matches or Lighters
Leatherman/Gerber type tools
Razor-type Blades/utility knives
Box cutters
Mace/pepper spray
Baseball bats
Ice Axes/Ice Picks
Rollerblades
Skateboards
Scooters
Alcohol
Pets

what a drag, the man is always taking away the fun element. damn, i guess i better go unpack the car. now what to do with those ice picks...

caution: mullets may cause extreme laziness.

benjaminoballbaby was here for the weekend, yeah again. all afternoon he was insisting we go to the pub; he too is addicted, however, for very different reasons--chicken enchiladas, not beer like his sister. i walked out of the room to find my shoes only to return to this:

seriously, i was gone for two minutes and already he's dead asleep. i think having a mullet and porn-stache are sucking the life out of the lad.

seeing single...

daisy, the one-eyed wonder, had a vet appointment last night. she absolutely hates the vet now, and really who can blame her…the bandits stole her eye. she’s hyper and happy to be there up until the point dr. barney walks into the room, then she runs for safety. it’s a little funny to see her huddled up in the corner, but mostly it’s just sad to see how scared she is. i guess i’d be freaked out too if i only had one eye left, and worried that they would snatch it at any given moment. you know the drill, it’s just like an appointment with your doctor, before you can see the vet you have to have a tech come in and take a few notes in the chart and whatever time wasting techniques they have to extend your visit. this time the vet tech was a new girl, yay for me! when she asked the reason for the appointment, i said “ she’s had some depth perception problems lately and i wanted to see what’s causing that”. i know, i know…i’m a horrible person, trust me, i’ve heard it all before. BUT, the look on her face was well worth the dose of bad karma. she was so confused, here is a dog with one eye and the owner is concerned about depth perception?

just one more office i'm going to be blacklisted from. awesome.

how to win a lady...

i met justin for lunch, mission:garden burger, destination:red robin. being the people watcher that i am, i couldn't help but browse the crowd for something; just a little something, that's all i ask.

camouflage. i know this isn't the first time i've discussed camo, and surely it won't be the last. it can't be helped, there is just something about a man in camouflage, and that something typically involves some sort of dry-heaving on my part, today's fella did not disappoint.

clear your mind of any images if you will-- now picture a beer belly clad in camouflage (certainly not concealing anything), a handle-bar mustache atop his mouth, the mouth that blew me a burp, yeah, a burp. disgusting! i'm sure that mating ritual works in the huntin' world, but not here. in the future, fucko, limit your nasty burp calls to the animal kingdom, and your manly man table. that would be lovely, umm thanks.