Here's to Hoping

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a good girl, just ask the boys—they’ll tell you. So for Christmas this year I would like the following:

Pink or brown UGG boots
Paula Abdul to never, ever gain sobriety
A down payment for a new car or condo, your choice
Matching dishes for my kitchen
A kitchen
A first edition Dorothy Parker book
Lower gas prices
A pink terrycloth robe
Ben to have a normal haircut
Botox
Skinny thighs
A ring (Don't worry Santa, I want something pink, nothing of the diamond sort.)
Pink Kitchen Aid to go in new kitchen
A Democrat as President
Gas prices to fall (Stop emailing me, it's on here twice for a reason!)
Summer

Oh and some of that world peace people are always talking about would be nice.

Santa, I know you can't give me everything on the list, especially a Democrat in office since I imagine you're a Republican (I base this assumption on the fact you're old, fat and white.). But Santa, that's ok, I still love you. You also can't do much about my thighs since that's sorta between me, trainer Alaska Pat and the gym, but if you're some sort of magician or baby Jesus than by all means go ahead.

Love,
Sarah

PS. It's hard to set out cookies and milk without a proper kitchen to bake them in. I hope you don't mind a vitamin and Diet Coke. I have plenty of both. If that's not ok I can ask Arlo to whip you up something, but it would likely be something fancy, and Santa, you seem more of a down-to-earth-I-break-into-houses-for-a-living kind of guy.