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Tuesday, January 31, 2006

the mean reds, i got 'em.

the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. don't you ever get that feeling?

do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you are always a step or two behind? sometimes, i do. this week being one of those times. i have tried so hard to fix certain wrongs in my life and it feels like i won't ever get there. i have tried, i really have. all while holding catholic-like guilt. i have never wanted anyone to take care of me. i like being independent. sometimes to the point that it only hurts me. i have never been one of those girls that need to be taken care of. we all know the type. i am not that type. the past few days i have pondered every relationship i have had with a man. the men that wanted me. really, really wanted me. depsite my stubborn side, depsite all my idiosyncrasies (trust me when i say i have more than my share of them) those men wanted a life with me. i declined. i didn't feel it. now i have to wonder did i make a mistake with my decisions? it would be nice to have someone there, all the time. someone to help me with life decisions. someone to give me advice-that i more than likely wouldn't actually take. just, someone.

while i am more than confident with these choices, i can't help but wonder. what if....

sadly, i can't just jump into a cab and go to tiffany's. so i continue, and keep my fingers crossed these last few key choices i have made, while difficult are the best for my future (repeat to self 4 times nightly).

return of the shoppers, literally.

i have a friend, who shall remain nameless... because i'll be honest, i don't want him upset with me. but this must be blogged for the sake of entertainment, and face it i love a good story.

nameless my ass, sorry marky, you know i adore you.

mark shops, a lot. AND, mark returns things, a lot. which if you look at it the way we do, it just means you get to shop twice as much. oy! i think after much debate and countless trips to park city our boy has found the perfect jacket. though, my brother came over sunday evening and was wearing a very similar jacket. so if i don't end up seeing you wearing it soon i will assume you took it back for that very reason. "not that there is anything wrong with that!"

i give mark a hard time for his returning merchandise habit. secretly i am jealous. i crack under the pressure of a return. seriously. when asked the reason i am returning the item, my face turns red and some monstrous lie makes its way out of my mouth. why i can not just say because i changed my mind is beyond me.

so marky, i only tease out of complete and utter return envy.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

loser, on the rocks (a 12 step program).

as advised in the first step, admit we are powerless over our addiction. here it goes....i, sarah middlenameless ______ admit i have an addiction. an addiction to the series lost. go ahead, judge me. i certainly would (and have) of others faced with my current obsession.

replace alcohol with lost and god with matthew fox in the text below and volia, that was my weekend. mark and alex, i am never listening to your tv suggestions again. the addiction is too strong. my eyes hurt, my ass hurts, and unquestionably my couch, as it has two indentations where krissy and i spent the weekend getting our fix.

1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol; that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

united states of sarah!

why i want to be the president of the united states, the presidential loophole!

thanks to al franken for pointing out in today's show why i need to run for the commander in chief position that so clearly should be available. apparently when you are president no rules apply to you, and it's all legal. perfect. since i don't think they apply to me as is.

you can use all necessary force "during war", and since we have been told there will ALWAYS be a war on terror....there you have it.

lovely. just lovely.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

beer & blades. safety first!

finally, a use for those rollerblades taking up precious closet space! enter--evening beer run. on my way home i witnessed pure brilliance. a rollerblader on his way home with a case of beer. the boy is my new hero! i can barely walk out of my apartment without hurting myself. an attempted beer run on wheels, would be the death of me. i applaud your spunk mr. beer-man.

i desperately need to start carrying a camera!

Monday, January 23, 2006

ode to buttars....

e.e. cummings said it best--

a politician is an arse upon
which everyone has sat except a man

awesome; i fuckin' watched that!

the beastie boys. 1993. they completed me.

when i saw them at their movie premiere i was shocked. i guess i figured since i haven't aged a day they wouldn't have either. sadly, they have.

but, they still got it!!

Saturday, January 21, 2006

we've only just begun...

in the immortal words of karen carpenter. sundance, we have only just begun. our love affair has long withstood the test of time. i have sat through many horrible films. crying out at the end, i want those 2 hours of my life back! but alas, i still love you. you my dear festival are the only reason for a utah winter. so i shall don my geek glasses and puffy coat and travel up the mountain. the long affair shall continue. after all, i love my kinky boots. RED!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2006


truth be told i am not an html princess, obviously. case and point, my sidebar. any advice on how to make the blue go away? far, far away. out goes my obsession with blue pens. suddenly blue writing is just not so appealing. help me, pretty please in pink sparkles? i would offer blue for the gents, but i am bitter.

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

baby blue jesus

ben's friend kevin was here visiting last week. being from oakland, visiting slc for the first time was a bit of a culture shock for the lad.

for entertainment purposes i thought i would share some or his trip highlights, at least in my opinion.

going to the LDS institute on the U of U campus and stumbling upon an ATM machine. it makes sense.... i guess, easy access to your funds so you can give 10% away to the church.

he also made a trip to temple square, alone i might add, where he decided our jesus is bigger than his jesus!

when he went for a walk alone i immediately assumed he was a secret smoker, not that there is anything wrong with that! apparently it was really to see the olympic “art” at the u of "you" stadium, where he was accosted by a very proud utahan. she proceeded to tell kevin her feelings concerning the 2002 winter olympics’. she was absolutely horrified that there will be future winter games held in cities around the globe. she had hoped that the games would end here in slc. after all, it's a really great state. i only hope he explained to her they are held every four years despite the fact some nutty locals want to keep them in utah forever. duh.

Monday, January 16, 2006

arnold "kevorkian" schwarzenegger?

"too old and frail to be put to death", am i the only one that screamed WHAT, at the radio upon hearing this? i ask you, how is someone too old to be put to death?

hopefully by now everyone knows all about clarence allen's plea for clemency. just in case you have all been too busy working off those holiday pounds, read here.

allen's attorneys stated, "executing him would amount to cruel and unusual punishment." while i am not an expert on executions (and hope never to be) i do think that any execution is cruel and unusual punishment.

so, i don't know about allen being too old and frail, but i do know he just looks plain mean!

*disclaimer-i do not believe in the death penalty. i only believe in making fun of everything. for those i offend by making light of this subject, i apologize. sorta.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

"sarah, you ARE watching fox sports!"

at my house a snow-day turns quickly into a football sunday. i hate being cold. HATE IT! so i opted to stay home with the heat on at a warm 85. living alone does have it's advantages.

however, i did venture out. across the hallway to ben's apartment. where we watched a bit of today's games. my favorite parts just happen to annoy him. imagine that. they include but are not limited to the following:

1. hurt players riding away in the cart of death.
2. benched players riding a stationary bike on the sidelines.
3. players attempting to spin the football.
4. steve smith humping the end post.

immediately upon naming the above reasons to watch football, i was asked to go home. afterwards, i was begged to go bowling. because, ben is craving it?? whatever, i am not the weird one in the family. at least for the time being.

Saturday, January 14, 2006

good grief! what have i done?!?

so, after a week of samuel alito senate hearings i find myself really missing harriet miers. at least she was entertaining. this in no way means i wanted her on the supreme court. it just means i like to be amused. alito, is way too boring for me. there are only so many times i can hear him say super duper. i would much rather hear more about harriet's "love letters"!

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

invest in my chest!

some of you may remember my previous posts about breast implants. if not, let me refresh. i need them. this isn't a need vs. want situation. i really do need them. for those of you who know me --back me up please. i am not well endowed. i am actually not endowed at all! sad, isn't it? well i have long since wanted to start a website, invest in my chest. where people can donate to my cause. i haven't really done that. until i do, i have decided to put a donate link here. so, feel free to put a little of that hard earned money towards something i really need. i know i have a few dedicated readers out there, now show me some love! puhh-lease?

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

broke-ass larry!

as everyone now knows, larry miller pulled brokeback mountain from his theater. it even made national news, and we wonder why our state gets such a bad wrap! the GLBT community center have called for a boycott against all of miller's businesses. i know he owns a bunch more than are show here, but this is a start.

i saw brokeback mountain, and the sexual content of this movie was hardly enough to even mention. yet, i have seen dozens of r rated movies at the jordan commons theater. all of which have had more sexual content than brokeback mountain. if he is going to pull this movie because of homosexual themes why isn't he pulling memoirs of a geisha because it has a prostitution theme? or the family stone, for it's depiction of family values? or casanova, because the movie poster shows a woman's nude back? what about grandma's boy, it has nudity?

larry, you are going to catch some heat for this one! all of which is well deserved.

Monday, January 09, 2006

oprah with salsa

my neighbor, country carl, just came pounding at my front door. ok, that is a lie. he just opened the door and ran in. open door policy around this place. he forced me to turn the tv to univision or as i call it, the spanish soap opera channel. sometimes, to annoy my brother i go to his house and turn the spanish soaps on and make up my own dialogue. i highly recommend this entertainment practice to everyone.

ANYWAY, i found this on the cristina show: (disclaimer-below pictures are graphic and not suitable for children or me!)

though i don't speak spanish, the language of dancing "little people" is international. internationally, scary! the mini-michael jackson was my favorite. i only hope others saw the horror. krissy and i were dying. please oh please, someone else tell me you witnessed this!

and now introducing....

justin. my personal photographer and all time favorite guy (sometimes). he is new to blog-land, so be gentle! besides being an extremely talented photographer he is rather clever with a pen. enjoy, i know i will.

since i have received numerous requests for my profile pic enlarged, here ya go.

and for a bonus

Sunday, January 08, 2006

missing, one social conscience.

before reading below please take note i stand by my previous post. also- remember all launguage in this post is used for dramatic affect only.

when krissy rolled up in a black H2 last night i didn't hesitate for a moment to slide right in. i can forget my hatred of suv's for one night. anything for a friend, righhht? i mean.... anythin' fo'uh sista yourself foo'! there is something built into those damn seats that instantly turns you into someone else. someone who insists we listen to mystical and knows every lyric. someone who speaks only in ebonics.

no playa hatin' here. i'm too hip to drip.

and just to ensure my social well-being:

Results of "The Test"
How socially conscious are you?

Your score = 75
Your score

What does your score mean?

I wouldn't be surprised if you were a social activist! Your test results revealed that you are a champion of the underdog, protector of the weak and stickler for the moral choice in nearly every situation. You are highly aware of how actions can impact all of society, and do your best to maintain a sense of social responsibility. You simply feel better when you do the right thing, and encourage - or maybe even insist - that others do the same. This is certainly a trait to be proud of, as it's people like you that incite societal growth. Just be careful, however, that you don't force your opinions on others or make such large sacrifices for the common good that you spoil your own quality of life.

Friday, January 06, 2006

locals only, fish and chip style.

in case anyone has a sudden craving for greasy fish and chips this post is for you.

i beg of you, don't do it! for some unknown reason i talked the downtown crew into going for this barf-tastic meal. this is the girl who refuses to eat meat. i am not an actual vegetarian, but i don't enjoy meat. well eating it anyway. ha ha. sorry, i digress. back on subject. tonight's venue was not my best idea. i am confident in saying that i doubt my input will be considered for quite some time.

needless to say, i am now home glued to my couch. too sick to move.

sundance tickets locals only wrist bands were given out today. for those of you who know me only by blog, i am a sundance whore. love, love it. tim and i set a personal record two years ago, 19 films. my ass hurt for months. i don't mind waiting in line for a couple hours for this. but, my favorite part comes at the end of the wait. when i walk away with an ugly wristband and see all the other people still waiting. shut-up. i know, i am mean.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

couch cha cha cha

i am new to the dancing with the stars phenomenom. i only caught it bevause the OC wasn't on. what i would like to know is why haven't any of you girls told me how great it was?? now i understand why my sister-in-law holli is ballroom girl. don't listen to my brother, dance your heart out girly!

my non-expert commentary--

lisa & louis. he was cute enough, and i have always liked her. i know, i know, one too many lifetime television for bored women movies. whatever, i still like her.

kenny & andrea. very entertaining to watch. that girl has moves! kenny, was hysterical. sports caster gone dancer.

drew & cheryl. finally a lachey back on television.

jerry rice, i love you even more after seeing your hips groove!!!

i need tivo. soon.

buttars auditioning for the role of the village idiot.

according to senator "fuckwit" buttars....

senator buttars has gay friends, despite his total disbelief of the lifestyle "choice"? i call bullshit.

this coming from the man who is set on banning the gay-straight alliance club from utah high schools. his reasoning being-- at chess club they talk about chess, at dance club they talk about dance. so at "gay club" what are they going to talk about? sex. granted, it has been quite some time since he was in high school but what student doesn't talk about sex? boys locker rooms. girls locker rooms. so, buttars unless you intend to step into every high school in this state and stop all sex talk, let it go.

and he believes in the separation of church and state. since when?

and the quilted bear with your wife? the utter horror of that statement!

in regards to intelligent design in the classroom, "tell the students the truth". what "truth" are you referring to buttars? the mormon truth? you would like that, wouldn't you?! ha.

alright, i will spare you. after listening to his interview who else needs a drink?

evolution extinct?

be sure to tune into radio west today. that asshole, chris buttars will be on the program.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

booty parlor, closed for repair.

man-jumper. i have always been one. makes moving on much easier, doesn't it? come on, admit it. after all, we have all done it. not that there's anything wrong with it! in an effort to keep with my new year's resolution, i refuse to man-jump this year. god damn, the road to emotional wellness is a giant pain in the arse. this will affect more than just me. apologies, to all those cute barrista's at my s-bux. no more flirting from this girl. i am taking time off. lying low. having some downtime.

ok, i think i covered all the cliche's

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

a confederacy of SARAH

re·jec·tion Audio pronunciation of "rejection" ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-jkshn)
  1. The act of rejecting or the state of being rejected.

for unknown reasons certain people go through life without understanding the true meaning of rejection. i envy those people.

coping with rejection and apparent failure is a serious matter. the tragic death of john kennedy toole screams this truth at anyone lucky enough to need an explanation. no publisher would touch his book. in a vain attempt to kill the pain, he committeded suicide. posthumously, his book was published. and won the 1980 pulitzer prize for fiction.

JKT, i commiserate with you. SO, i am starting your book tonight. again. this time i will not dissappoint you. no rejection found here. i shall finish the book!

Monday, January 02, 2006

moleskin ramblings, a new segment.

your mouth, that always tells lies.
it's time you told your story.

Sunday, January 01, 2006

a new year ninja

apparently when krissy and i drink an entire bottle of rum, champagne, hypnotic, and keg beer, i turn into a fighting ninja. the ninja side only comes out in desperate situations. such as, street fights in front of the party we attended. the story, simply was a stranger who asked me for a smoke. i explained in fear of cancer i do not partake. he did not take that comment well, and decided to scream at me as he walked away. luckily the temper didn’t come out to play, that time. krissy and i simply hollered after him, in fits of laughter.

inside the party while in line for the bathroom, a VERY annoying VERY young girl decided to be bitchy to krissy and i. not the brightest idea. we continued to make fun of her for the duration of the evening. this included “accidentally” spilling champagne on her, oops. she then punched krissy. her boyfriend immediately took her outside. i think by that time he realized the blonde duo doesn’t back down. sometimes it's fun to pretend you are 23 again!

we grew tired of the party and decided to wander the streets of slc, not the best idea in the pouring rain while drunk. supermark came to our rescue. eggs, all around!

happy new year everyone!