the mean reds are horrible. suddenly you're afraid, and you don't know what you're afraid of. don't you ever get that feeling?
do you ever feel like no matter how hard you try you are always a step or two behind? sometimes, i do. this week being one of those times. i have tried so hard to fix certain wrongs in my life and it feels like i won't ever get there. i have tried, i really have. all while holding catholic-like guilt. i have never wanted anyone to take care of me. i like being independent. sometimes to the point that it only hurts me. i have never been one of those girls that need to be taken care of. we all know the type. i am not that type. the past few days i have pondered every relationship i have had with a man. the men that wanted me. really, really wanted me. depsite my stubborn side, depsite all my idiosyncrasies (trust me when i say i have more than my share of them) those men wanted a life with me. i declined. i didn't feel it. now i have to wonder did i make a mistake with my decisions? it would be nice to have someone there, all the time. someone to help me with life decisions. someone to give me advice-that i more than likely wouldn't actually take. just, someone.
while i am more than confident with these choices, i can't help but wonder. what if....
sadly, i can't just jump into a cab and go to tiffany's. so i continue, and keep my fingers crossed these last few key choices i have made, while difficult are the best for my future (repeat to self 4 times nightly).
1 comment:
i hear you, girlfriend. i mean, i've just barely (at 34) given in to a love of pink. and am now actually letting men chase me after battling that "game" my entire female life. i'm wondering right along with you. ya ya!
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