happy halloween!

it's always a struggle to find something to wear to the office on halloween. i don't want to put too much effort into it, and yet i feel bad if i ignore it altogether.

this is my costume:what am i, you ask? TACKY!

forgery is a crime!

someone has taken the time to master my handwriting skills. it's true!

why else would i find a pink floyd cd with my name on it? there really is no other explanation since i hate pink floyd.

**please refrain from hate mail and post pissy comments here.
thank you,
the management.

remaining the good auntie

i made the trek to utah county today to meet my mom, holli, and the twins for lunch. i cannot believe how big the kids are getting. i also cannot believe carter touched me with his crocs! he is the only male alive i would let get away with that.

now that's real love.

in retribution i taught them the proper way to trick-or-treat, adding in the smell my feet part. why is it parents always forget that?

"reunited and it feels so good":

(my camera phone sucks: you will be reunited with an old friend today.)

this was my fortune from today's lunch at cafe trang. interesting.

the one with the gun, column 10.26.06

for this week's column click here. while you're there, check out the new features on the website. there are archives now, in case you want to catch up. also user comments, so let the editor know you're reading! speaking of the editor, he and the staff have come up with some great halloween costume ideas, including how to dress up as me! read that one here.

NOT aging gracefully

one week from today i'll turn 31. i can no longer hide from it. today, while spending three hours in the dental chair getting a root canal, i couldn't help but think: this is the beginning of the end-- is this really what i have to look forward to? what's next a broken hip, arthritis and constipation? what crap, no pun intended.

david sedaris endorses sim gill

for no other reason than sim being indian. really, that's all it takes for sedaris, because as he said "it would be cool to say your DA is from india". if it's good enough for sedaris, it's good enough for me!

as usual, he was brilliant last night. this is the third time i've seen him, and it just gets better each time. when my planned date flaked on me, i asked my dearest marjorie to go. since she decided to break my heart by getting married and moving to utah county i don't see her often. it was a joyful occasion, celebrated with wine and dinner at red rock.luckily, we were able to arrive quite a bit before the show, giving us the opportunity to speak with him for a few minutes as he signed my book. as i often am when star struck, i could not form complete sentences, rather drooling over my talented hero. marj took over when she realized it was entirely possible i was going to jump into his arms rather than speak. she saved the moment of silence by pointing out he signed a cock--what she meant was a rooster on the front of his audio cd's. we laughed, and at that point i was able to once again speak.

he drew a picture of marj puking on my book, fitting as she is knocked up. when she told him so, instead of offering congratulations he immediately asked her last name. interesting.during his reading i nearly peed my pants multiple times, and frankly urine is how i determine a comedic success. also, by the end of the evening my stomach hurt from laughing so hard--that i'll consider a workout!

why i hate sci-fi tv:

flowers, my least favorite co-worker today, pointed out my pants remind him of star trek. since i've never actually seen an entire episode, i had to google it to prove just how wrong he was.

but, he wasn't.

"wake up"

i try and walk the one-eyed pug nightly. i pretend it's not exercise and actually an opportunity for daisy to shit in other people's yards. the length of our walks depends entirely upon whether or not i remember my ipod. (might be easier if i had three like orrin hatch.) completely opposite of what 'normal' logic might suggest, bringing along music shortens the walks. despite every attempt not to sing along i can't stop myself, after long stares from fellow walkers i immediately turn around and walk home in shame.

after yesterdays humiliating rendition of a paul anka song, i've decided to revamp the 'pod before letting it out of the house again. so, today we took a long leisurely walk and i paid attention to my surroundings, giving me the chance to see a man in front of me literally stop and smell the roses. you know, i don't think i've ever noticed someone doing that--in fact i've never even noticed the rosebush the many times i've walked my neighborhood.

maybe, just maybe, next time i will.

narcissistic?

nahhh, just having fun with the new office macs. go apple!!

defining orrin

i saw this while running errands this morning and had to post it:

liar
Pronunciation: 'lI(-&)r
1. noun :a person who tells lies

apply within

i'm back at work today, after spending two days on my couch in a vitamin c induced coma. i was looking forward to coming back so i could lunch with the boys. i now realize this was a mistake!

the lunch conversation today was all about battlestar galactica--specifically the new series.

i need new friends. desperately.

from myspace to my place, column 10.19.06

to read my column for this week, simply go here!

this is what croup sounds like

powered by ODEO

after three days of a persistent cold and having nearly no voice, i finally went to the doctor last night to find i have adult croup.

WHAT! THE! HELL?

according to webmd:
As children grow older and structures in the throat and breathing tubes mature, they are less susceptible to croup.
i guess i never matured...

i'm not the only one with the foot in mouth disease:

mark says: (9:37:05 PM)
I have been amazed at how well your shit looks

mark says: (9:37:13 PM)
that came out wrong

Sarah says: (9:37:16 PM)
ummm, thanks?

mark says: (9:37:17 PM)
your site looks…

safety or insanity?

the boys made me sit through a safety video yesterday--one that has absolutely nothing to do with our company: a gas station safety video. i endured through it, trying not to be offended by the women offender statistics (78%).

anyway, i didn't think anything of it...that is until i had to stop for gasoline this morning. i usually go to the sinclair by my house, however, when i pulled up this morning the attendant was outside smoking. i freaked out, and had to go to a different station.

thanks a lot guys, one more thing to obsess over--just what i need.

all in a name

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 40 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

this can't possibly be true, seriously, there's at least that many just in utah.

utah shopping:

why i own flip-flops...

marky and i went to see man of the year today. it was hard to concentrate on the movie when i knew these were just a seat away from me. it's tough to see the pic (damn mark's camera phone), but they are pink leopard crocs. when will the madness end?

radio gripes

which is worse, hearing ace of base on the radio, or the fact that not only did i know all the words, but i drove around the block twice so i could sing to the entire song?

yeah, yeah...i know.

wedding issues

suddenly i hate cake. i thought the day would never come. read here to see why!

and now you can leave reader comments!

our office

the british turned american television series, the office, is gaining popularity so my friends always want to discuss the latest episode. i'll admit, the show is pretty funny, but if they turned my office into a mockumentary it would kill their ratings. seriously. it's oddly entertaining here. just today we had gg, the safety manager, cleaning mountain dew wearing bio-hazard gloves. come on, mountain dew just eats your tummy not the floors.

my favorite are the little gems i hear throughout the day. i'm going to start posting them, because some they are too good to ignore.

last week, pmk walked up to me and said, “did you see how the mounting rack turned out?” we all know i'm a little perverted, so when i hear things like that i can't supress my dirty giggles, nor should i be expected to!

the result of leaving the geek squad in charge of lunch:

you somehow end up at a truck stop cafe eating a grilled cheese sandwich...

bloggers speak

the nightside project did a story last night on blogging and the law. to read go here, or to listen go here. you can even hear me for a brief second...

i've tuned into the nightside a few times to hear one of my favorite bloggers, ethan millard, who contributes the political content to the show.

the day kurt bestor looked down my shirt!

the tribune ran an add for my column in yesterday's paper. i feel my personal space was violated by kurt bestor. perhaps i'm just bitter his side-swept bangs look better than mine!

why my best friend is better than your best friend:

october care packages, complete with the essential items for the halloween season!

avoiding red flags: a lesson in futility, column 10.5.06

want to read more about my attraction to red flags? go here!

crocs attract germs

i've been sick for the past two days, which means spending way too long in the doctor's office waiting room. i really, really hate the waiting room--they usually let me wait in the back, but this time they didn't. so, sitting there amidst the germs i see crocs everywhere.

proving only sick people wear crocs!

why google ads and i must break up:

power of the people

quinn-diesel made the mistake of telling me he doesn't vote because he isn't registered. after i picked myself up off the floor, i demanded he register immediately. i even threatened to report him to ddr, our resident political junkie. not wanting to hear a double lecture he visited rock the vote and registered. while i'm certain he won't be voting for the same party i affiliate myself with, i'm just happy he's voting!

grammar police

at lunch today ak noticed this little gem: i've been going to the soup kitchen for years and haven't once noticed it--is it possible i'm so blinded by the pretty boys with hipster glasses walking by? hmm...that can't be it. maybe it's that i'm turning 31 a month from today. old age does things to you. bad, bad things.

a whole new level of crazy!

ak and i dragged flyboy along to see the movie flyboys with us this weekend. it was supposed to be a group date so i could write about it, but everyone flaked. whatever.

we grabbed a quick bite of dinner beforehand. i still had some of my drink left so i brought it along, i needed the caffeine for a two and a half hour movie. before going inside the movie we stopped for a quick potty break. not wanting to take my drink inside, i left it with flyboy. i specifically asked him to hold it for me so i didn't have to take it inside the restroom. i came out to find no flyboy. i looked around just in time to see him coming out of the men's room carrying MY DRINK!! i was horrified, absolutely horrified! bathroom germs totally freak me out! i went to throw the drink out when flyboy stopped me. he kept it for himself but quickly bought me a new one to keep the level of nutty girl low.

when we got inside the movie with a new drink ak started laughing. apparently when he came out of the restroom there was a couple fighting out the drink incident. he couldn't understand what the big deal was--she, of course, could. what are the chances of two equally neurotic people being in the same theater?!

history of an addiction

i accidentally rented grey's anatomy; i accidentally watched the first four episodes in one sitting; i'm accidentally addicted.

i blame the urban princess.

meredith sorta reminds me of that whiny character renee zellweger played in jerry mcguire, but i still like her.