Skin Suits and Therapy

Sarah: "Ben, you have to go see Juno ASAP, it's really good. Or Sweeney Todd. You can't beat a throat-slitting barber."

Ben: "I can't see that one. You know I'm scared of Tim Burton movies."

Sarah: "Still? You sort of an adult now."

Ben: "Sarah, I was four. Not exactly a movie to force a small child to watch over and over. This is totally your fault."

Sarah: "Well how was I to know you'd grow up to be a baby man."

Ben: "You have no room to talk, remember, you're terrified of Silence of the Lambs."

Sarah: "Because that is REAL! You could be a skin suit at any given time. Beetle Juice isn't real. Proving once again I'm way tougher than you."

Ben: "Perhaps tougher, but still in need of therapy. We really should get a therapist on staff for the entire family."

Not The Only Adult Child In My Family

Ben: "Stop telling people I like Nascar. I don't!"

Sarah: "Benjamin, you have a mullet, therefore you must like Nascar. It's okay, don't fight it."

Ben: "People read your blog. No more Nascar talk. BUT, I do really want Carter's bed. I'm going to request one from Santa next year."

Sarah: "You could probably just wait a couple years and Carter will outgrow his."

Ben: "Outgrow it? Why? It's awesome. Seriously, Sarah, how cool would that look in my extra bedroom? I may kick my roommate Vegan Joe out so I can."

Suddenly Happy He "Forgot" to Vote

Sarah: "Who lives in Dad's rental property?"

Ben: "Just a bunch of guys, why?"

Sarah: "There is a pro-voucher sign in the yard. It's weird."

Ben: "So. I was pro-voucher too."

Sarah: "Ben, for starters you didn't vote, and second do you even know what the vouchers are about?"

Ben: "No clue, but I would have voted against them just to spite you."

Sarah: "Sometimes I hate you."

Ben: "Whatever. I'll pick you up in 30 minutes for the movie."

Family Text Plan

Sarah: "Did you know Roseanne Cash is having brain surgery tomorrow? Do you want to put her name on the temple prayer list, or shall I?"

Ben: "I vote you. You live closer and have less shame associated with walking in."

Still Not Worth the Drive

Ben: "You HAVE to go to Bogies tonight!"

Sarah: "Umm, what is that and why?"

Ben: "It's a club in Ogden that's giving away a free boob job tonight."

Sarah: "What are you trying to say Ben?"

Ben: "Nothing! You're the one who wants it, and free is free."

Sarah: "But is driving to Ogden really worth boobs?"

Ben: "Not even close."

Sarah: "Okay, well thanks for thinking of my tits."

Ben: "Eww. I gotta go."

Rockstar Training

Ben: “What are you up to?”

Sarah: “Meeting Jess at the park to go running. Why, what’s up?”

Ben: “I’m sorry; I must have dialed the wrong number. Why are you running?”

Sarah: “I decided to train and run a few races. I need more incentive than the dumb gym can provide to get into shape.”

Ben: “Really? That’s so cool. I’ll run a race with you.”

Sarah: “That would be awesome!”

Ben: “And because I love you I won’t even train for it. That way you can keep up with me.”

Sarah: “And because I love you, I won’t call you a jerk right now.”

Ben is a Killer!

Ben: "I know you're mad at me for killing a deer."

Sarah: "Of course I am! For multiple reasons... number one, you didn't even feel bad about it."

Ben: "I told you that it would've been dead within ten minutes. There were a ton of hunters around us. So it might as well be me that shot it."

Sarah: "That doesn't make it any better. And I'm also mad that you didn't wear your mullet hunting. If you're going to go hunting you might as well make it as white trash as possible.

Ben: "Fine. I understand why you're pissed, but does it help that I went to a vegan restaurant for breakfast today?

Sarah: "No."

Ben: "You can't be mad anymore otherwise I ate fake meat for nothing, and then I'll be the pissed off one."

Sisterly Advice

Sarah: "Are you going to Uncle Cabbage Patch's party tomorrow?"

Ben: "Nope. I'm out of town for the weekend."

Sarah: "Liar. You're coming, I'll pick you up."

Ben: "Sarah, seriously, I'll be in Delta."

Sarah: "Doing what?"

Ben: "Walking around in a field carrying a gun that I'll never shoot. It's hunting."

Sarah: "Oh, I sorta forgot that existed. Why exactly are you doing this?"

Ben: "I'm getting in touch with my masculine side."

Sarah: "You could do that here you know. Just drink too much and bang some slut you're never going to call again."

When Texting is a Better Option

Sarah: “What are you doing?”

Ben: “Watching Sports Center in celebration of Eminem’s birthday.”

Sarah: “Since when is white rapping considered a sport?”

Ben: “It’s not, but you asked what I was doing.”

Sarah: “How are we even related?”

Ben: “Well, our mother and father had sex five times and we were two of the results.”

Sarah: “Thanks for clearing that up. I’m going to hang up now.”

Ben: “I think that’s best.”

I woke up for this?

Ben: "I figured out what tattoo to get if I ever decide to get one."

Sarah: "Hitler in Chinese?"

Ben: "NO! I'm not letting Hitler anywhere near me. I want a banjo tattoo."

Sarah: "Ben, you do realize tattoos are permanent, right?"

Ben: "Duh. Anyway, I want the banjo to start on my stomach and wrap across my ribs and have it end on my back."

Sarah: "No."

Ben: "What about on my leg?"

Sarah: "No."

Ben: "Fine, I'll go with my second choice. On my back I want a poker table scene with Fidel Castro playing poker with Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash."

Sarah: "Is Willie going to be playing a banjo?"

Ben: "Of course, but if I ever get rid of the mullet I'll have to get it removed."

Sarah: "I'm hanging up now and going to sleep. Don't call me back. Ever."