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Sunday, May 28, 2006

inflatable dater

i hate litter. country carl knows this from experience; i was giving him a ride somewhere and he threw out a gum wrapper from the window. i immediately stopped the car, turned around and forced him out to pick it up--carl will not be littering again, at least in my presence. i live on a busy street, often there are asshats who decide littering the street is better than littering their car. whatever. when i saw a box on the curb last week i went to throw it out (yes pmk, i was planning on using massive amounts of sanitizer on my hands, industrial strength no less).
upon closer inspection i found a blow-up doll box! at this point i decided not to pick it up, sure we can say i didn't want to touch it, but honestly i wanted other people to get that same shock factor!
either there is a dirty pervert out driving my street playing with his new "friend", or one of my neighbors can't get a date--a human one, that is. i've not stopped judging my neighbors since the incident. god, i love people.

9 comments:

theorris said...

I enjoy the image of some dude taking his inflatable out for a date. I see it seated in the Geo Metro next to the unfortunate fellow.

Speaking of litter, just Friday when I was on my porch enjoying the nice morning we were having, a highschool-age kid pulled up and stoppe and parked in front of my house. He probably was going to visit the neighbor kid next door. Anyway as he got out he threw down a Wendy's back right on the road side. This was no accident--he just threw the thing intot he road. I don't think he saw me sitting there otherwise he wouldn't have been so brazen.

"He dumb fuck," I said sternly from my porch-side seat "are you going to pick that up or am I going to kick your ass?" The kid jumped and gave me a scared look and hopped back in his car and sped off. I picked up his mess for him.

dennis said...

Awesome!

ak nonchalantly said...

Was the box empty?

Justin said...

Perhaps the inflatable date could work out of her inflatable office.

http://www.inflate.co.uk/

Annie, The Evil Queen said...

Have you narrowed down the neighborhood suspects? This seems like a highly entertaining pasttime.

sarahbellum said...

theorris: you bad ass!

dennis: fanks and stuff.

ak: of course it was empty, who would leave a perfectly good blow-up doll in the street?

justin: would have to be a paperless office, one lost staple and all is gone.

annie: i've been eyeing all the single men in my hood, sadly they all are taking the attention not as it was intended...

That One Guy said...

Damn - I was wondering where I lost that thing. So somebody stole the contents? Too bad - that wasn't all that cheap.

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