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Friday, July 14, 2006

happy _____ day benjaminoballbaby!

yesterday marked ben's 23rd year of being my slave. sure, some call it his birthday and for those...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BENNY! however, i'll stick to happy slave day, or happy underwear day (a left-over from his youth).

ben is the middle child, this title was not assigned by womb exit but by attitude. the lad has every trait of a middle child, mostly because he has me for an older sibling and that has mellowed him beyond belief. having a mellow attitude in my family is unheard of, so on occasion (read:constant basis) ben was forgotten..."not left at the gas station" forgotten, but "shit, it's your birthday" forgotten. we lived in small town utah, so running to target for a last minute present was not an option.

**enter underwear**

i have 4 younger brothers, so my mom kept spare boy clothing tucked away in her closet, i.e. new packages of boxers. this is what bennyboy received most years as a gift, sad but true. luckily for my mom he was a good kid and never took offense to her after-thought gifts.

when i asked ben what he got from my parents i wasn't at all surprised to hear they bought him underwear. it's nice to have things i can count on, while the style has changed for him (boxers to jesus jammies), the gift never has. way to keep it real mom!

38 comments:

rickster said...

Since your sister refuses to acknowlege it, Happy Birthday Ben!

Anonymous said...

What did you get him, socks?

theorris said...

Which is the funnier word: underwear or underpants?

Anonymous said...

Crap sister.

Anonymous said...

Poor Ben. Maybe you should should ask your family to get him a real gift. Screw tradition.

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA!!

c said...

That kid is the best blog material. I think the family posts are funny.

AK said...

Happy Birthday Ben! Dont let Sarah give you too much crap; just remind her how very much younger you are.

dennis said...

Tell Ben Happy Birthday!

Candace said...

Sarah sugar bum....I love you. But be nice to poor Ben...remember, I AM going out with him tomorrow...don't want to reveal ALL his embarassing stories ;)

Anonymous said...

Jesus Jammies? Awesome. I think it's interesting how inactive members have the least amount of respect for their former religion. This is something that your own family, of all people, believe in and count as sacred. Classy. Really cutting edge stuff here...

Oh wait, it sounds like the canned chatter you here from every, "open minded," small town, Utah-bread, elitist, who doesn't have the independence to leave the state they look down on so much. So they stay, thinking their irreverance for the predominant religion original, and grow increasingly bitter and wonder why they're unhappy.

craig@tov.net

Hit me back. But i've heard your response from a dozen native Utahns. Maybe something original?

Jen said...

Woah! Chill out dude...as a current active member of the church AND the best friend of Miss Sarahbellum all I feel that I need to say is:
Luke 6:37
Judge not that ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be condemmed: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven.
And you don't have to be mormon to have heard that one.

Anonymous said...

Jen,

WOOOOAAAAAHHH!!!!! Settle down chick! I was just voicing my opinion. That's what these blogs and comments are for, right? Anyway, what judgement am I supposed to have passed?

It's much easier to call someone judgmental and quote a scripture than objectively look at ourselves and discuss the facts. Do you wear Jesus Jammies? Is that what they call them in your ward? i don't think so. I'm all for you defending your friend, but she's put something slightly offensive on her publicly accessible website and I'm telling her I think it sucks and is typical of small-town bread jack mormons who move to SLC, become these liberal progressive thinkers, and think they're breaking the mold by being making fun of their former religion.

Is she going to "hell?" I don't know, i don't think so. Is she a bad person? No more than you or I. Do I think she has some growing up to do? Totally. Just cause you don't voice your opinions and you join everyone else with the back patting (or butt kissing, you decide) comments, doesn't make me judgmental.

Just think it through next time.. you'll get the hang of it.


Thanks Jenny.

Jen said...

Telling her she's supposedly 'elitist' makes you judgemental. Bitter, unhappy, doesn't have the independence to leave Utah? Oh, that's right, that's your opinion. So when I post my OPINION back to you, which is that I thought you were being judgemental, I get this "holier then thou, I think it through and you don't" post.
Yes I wear Jesus Jammies, and YES I've actually heard them called that in my ward. Sorry to burst your bubble there. Do I find it slightly offensive? Yes I do. But I find it more offensive when someone is so closed minded to what they think is right, they can't see anything else.
Did I think it through enough this time, craiggy?
Well, I'm off to keep my opinions to myself, not look at myself objectively, and kiss some butt.

pmk said...

Craig: You seem to have some awfully thin skin for someone 'slightly' offended. Touched a raw nerve that perhaps reflects one's own self doubts?

dennis said...

Craig, I've read Sarah's blog for months and not once have I found her to be an "unhappy" person. If anything pal, it's you that seems unhappy. Have you nothing better to do than harass someone via the web?

Anonymous said...

Craig: I'm LDS and I've never found this blog offensive. Instead I find it humorous.

Cornflake girl said...

Craig,
Here and hear are different words, please refer to dictionary.com.

Cornflake girl said...

PS: Sounds like someone is upset with Sarah for personal reasons. Perhaps she refused you at one time or another??

Ty said...

Why don't you post your own blog address then we can watch Miss Bellum leave YOU nasty comments. That's fair.

Anonymous said...

This comment is for Craig. I'd like to address your comment saying that Sarah needs to grow up. Remember actions speak louder than words! You attacking Sarah on her personal blog and lecturing her friends isn't exactly grown up, now is it? Practice what you preach and grow up yourself.

Lori Van Wagoner said...

All of the above comments make me love her even more - and my jesus jammies love her, too. :)

fity-dolla-bill said...

As for Jesus Jammies, I find it offensive.

Regarding the war with "Craig," I thought it was beneath this blog spot because it got irrational on both ends. This sort of battle is the thing that made 10th grade IM-ing both fun an retarded. The only thing missing was physical threats. Which I can provide, If you would like.

I think Craig got out of hand, but I think he did well, being in the corner that we all put him in. (I say we but I only consider myself guilty for staying out of bounds watching and not doing anything.)

Anonymous said...

Craig said:

Well, look at the commotion we have here! This is exciting...

Jennifer: It looks like I took the wrong angle. Touché. So people in your ward say that. Good for them. My bubble is still inflated. I'm really not interested in other Mormons lackadaisical attitude towards their religion. If they posted it online I'd probably tell them I think they're dumb. i should have asked, "Is that how the brethren refer to them?" I know the answer to that one. When they start calling them that then I'll rethink my position.
So, you think I'm judgmental... Respect. I can see that. And I'll work on it. In the meantime I'd like to see Sarah address the issue.
You find it slightly offensive as well? Word. Now we're being objective!

pmk: Ooooh! Ouch! Wait... what? Explain, please. What self doubts are you referring to? I'm not seeing the connection. I'm guessing you're trying to make some obscure connection between my disagreeing with her disparaging comment about another's religious practice and my own personal faith in things holy. Right? Tell me how this works. You defend something important to you and that means you doubt it yourself? Hmmm... give me some precedence or proof, I'm struggling pumpkin.

Dennis: Hey bro, Sarah is a public figure who's blog is advertised with her column in 65,000 weekly copies of "In Utah this week" and it's online counterpart that gets 20,000 unique visitors a month. And harassing, buddy, is just a buzzword you're using to get a response because it's politically and culturally loaded. She posts online, i respond online. I'm not calling her at home, I've never met her, I'm not saying inappropriate things to her. So just think that one through, chief.
I never said she was unhappy, I was positing an association with a group I am very familiar with. I was hoping she would respond, amigo, but instead all her minions have.
And yes, i struggle with depression.... naw, just kidding homie!

Anonymous #2: Well, my namesake, good for you. But i don't care if you're offended or not. And I'm not really that offended, but it did piss me off a little. Living in Salt Lake i have to listen to this crap all day long. Where I can, I issue a rebuttal. I'm not speaking for all Mormons, just this one! (I am now pointing my thumbs back at myself to clarify who THIS is. Are you seeing it? Surely, you have attached an undesirable face and body image to your imaginary me. That's OK too.) Peace my friend, us Anonymi should stick together...

cornflake girl: "Things are getting kind of gross, and I go at sleepy time."
Awwww, taking shots at my spelling mistakes? Are we 11 yrs old again? I wouldn't have expected that from this group of commentors. It's not petty at all.

cornflake girl #2: Also another classy comment. Like this has anything to do with the issue at hand. When you can't communicate to the point... CALL NAMES!!! Tell 'em they dress funny and that nobody likes them!!! I could think of several scathing remarks about my and Sarah's compatibility, but I shan't. Best to luck to all of us, right? Could you do me one favor? "Peel out the watch word, just peel out the watch word!"

Ty-doggy-Ty: Hey bro, she can leave me nasty comments right here! (Or "hear" I use them interchangeably sometimes! ;) I love you my cornflake girl... we should be together!) I have quite a following now.
But seriously, I'm working on one. I said to myself, "If Sarah can do it so can I or anyone else for that matter!" And I also said to myself, "Craig, Ty believes in you! You have his support!" And so maybe I will. Thank you Ty. I can always count on you, the wind beneath my wings...

Anonymous #3: Hail, brother! It's so good to see so many of us out here. But I must say, um, hold on... I forget how it goes, but it's some childhood limerick about growing up and throwing up. Nevemind. "Actions speak louder than words", "Practice what you preach." Is there some cliche dictionary that I'm unaware of? In your own words please...
But to your point, in the sense that growing up involves not making light of other's religious beliefs, I think I'm ok. Growing up in the sense of not calling you a huge nerd, not yet. But I'm working on it. (I'm teasing you! I don't even know you. you're probably not a nerd at all.)

Lori van wogoner: Awesome.

Thanks to everyone who contributed to today's discussion. (Jennifer: I'm kidding again! I know how you think I'm condescending I just wanted to bust your chops a little.)

Anonymous said...

Fity dolla bill: Thanks?


CHESTER COPPERPOT!!!!

England, babe said...

Craig:

Regardless of your lackluster ability to cloak your affection for Bellum in well-written verbosity, I still like you.

Be aware, however, Ms. Bellum has accomplished what she must have intended—to cause consternation (among a few) with the careful use of a non-offensive pejorative. It’s like therapy, you may not like it, but it’s honest.

Oh, you’ll be back to read the next post.

Welcome to the addiction.

fity-dolla-bill said...

Once again...Craig did a good job defending himself...and now that no one else is doing it... here comes the physical intimidation...I can beat the hell out of all of you, I'm sure of it.

Anonymous said...

Craig you should visit here: http://www.nataliercollins.com/weblog/. Your knickers are sure to get all twisted over that blog. Damn there goes that underwear thing again.

Anonymous said...

Who is this smug jackass Craig that is so fond of patting himself on the back with circuitous arguments? Damn Craig, at least you could be funny about it (you are not).

Waiting for some self aggrandized response, followed by a cutsy pet name……

Oh, and Craig, sorry to tell you this, but your Blog would suck. You see, Sarah has something you will never have….READERS! Well, that and whit and charm…..

fity-dolla-bill said...

I love how this has turned to juvenile divle. Petty insults,people? I think a lot of people made good points. Craig just inst welcome. Is that right? I think thats what I got out of it. I am a dedicated reader of thie blog and also of slcspin, and I have never seen such a launch of hatred from both ends. I think we should welcome Craigs comments and meet them with good points rather than "jackassy" things. I know if someeone got smart like that with me I would keep defending myself. Let it be known that I can still kick asses. Mormon bashing, still not cool, for the record. Craig is over the top in his responses. Religion "bashing" is offensive though.

Anonymous said...

CRAIG SAYS:

Fity-dolla-bill, y'all! I'm having fun with my responses. I appreciate your objectivity and impartiality. Even when it turns and censures me.... I'm 6'1" 220lbs, do I even stand a chance? :)

Everyone else: I'm proud of my circuitous, and might I ad extemporaneous, exposition... um, it's a lost art, you know? But smug? Holier-than-thou? Self righteous? Judgmental? Self-aggrandizing? Condescending? Jacka**? Soap-box? Bla, bla, bla. I forgive you all for calling names. It's too bad we couldn't ever talk about the point - religious tolerance and respect. But it seems we all gave our thesauri a workout! And I think that's just marvelous.

pmk said...

You know what's been the most marvelous, Craig? That you are such a tool for SB's Blog (& In Magazine). You've boosted SB's readership and made her that much more popular. Congrats!

sarahbellum said...

this will be my one and only comment on this post—

i apologize to those i offended with the garment name, i didn’t intend to offend, only to be humorous. who knew it would cause such a reaction. as you’ve noticed i tend to give names affectionately to most things, this is no different. if i’ve offended you to the point you cannot read this blog any longer, i understand and again-- apologize.

otherwise, let’s move on shall we?

fity-dolla-bill said...

oh, pmk. A tool. you slay me. having a large readership, I'm sure, might not be that important to Sarabellum. I'm sure Penthouse has a large subscription data base but it doesn't make it an awesome peice of literature. I'm sure she (and everyone else) would appreciate a blog with substance. No, I'm not moving on. Ps. I say Im sure Penthouse has a large database becasue I am addicted to pornography. Craig, last time I checked 6'1" wasnt big, and using the internet lie index it puts you at about 5'11, and addicted to porn. I kid. Remember I am your ally and brother in the gigity-gospel.

JacknoJill said...

Craig: There must be a better way to get your point across. You offending someone because you are offended? Come on.

Fity or the second Craig: Ally or same guy...

Sarah: I applaud you for not joining in the comment fest and appreciate your apology. I wasn't offended, but can see where others might be.

Everyone else: My Jesus thinks Sarah is entertaining.

fity-dolla-bill said...

jacknojill,

I don't have a problem with you thinking that I am an alias of Craig. Ive been a reader for a long time...I just thought that yesterday's funtime was...a funtime...and that your comment was full of holes. keep guessing though.

Mikey said...

Dear everyone, the huffier the better:

I simply adore the term "jesus jammies." I shall commence using it loudly in public, everywhere in SLC. I have a loud, celar voice too. Ha!

I know some other mormon jokes, but I think I'll save them for when there's no good flame war.

Peace out, y'all,

Mikey

PS-- okay, I fibbed. I don't live anywhere near mo country.

fity-dolla-bill said...

Other people yell "jesus jammies" in SLC during the LDS conference. They tend to have terrible hygiene maintainence, though. I would find the BO more offensive, so CTR-g. (Choose the Right- gaurd.)