it's a purse, it's a bible, it's super-religion!

suddenly i'm feeling the need for religion in my life (calm down jb), it's just a phase i'm going through-- a pink induced phase. what girl wouldn't agree to attend church with the promise of a pink bible-purse. i'm so in.

scripture accessories-- that's way better than knee shorts and mo'bows!

reason # 77 why i like sbux:

i know everyone likes their sbux location best, but mine really is better--not only can you find IN magazine there, but they added my recent column to their bulletin board.go visit the girls and either rory at yoshi-bux; they make your drink with love. seriously.
106th south & state(ish) in sandy. can you believe it, coffee in sandy. yup!

pug roast, byob!

my place doesn't have ac, making this past week nearly unbearable. i'm lucky enough to be able to escape the heat and spend my day in an air-conditioned office. daisy, however, isn't so lucky. she's found the coolest spot in the house to be the kitchen floor--where she's taken up camp. slowly but surely, she's dragged her "good" toys and "wet soggy stick to the bottom of my foot" bones there with her.she rotates sides, but beyond that there is no movement. but, i've found she will be coaxed away with ice cubes, or diet treats as we call them at my house.
global warming sucks, i need to move.

planes and pads

it's time once again...to read my column! while you're there, be sure to check out the man pad occupied by one of my favorite bloggers, theorris.

a peek into my life...

or at least a peek out my office window.

yes, that is a sexy man doll. yes, that sticker is a giant lie. yes, i'm a diane turner fan. and finally, yes mom, that is a shot glass at the office.

these little piggies SHOULD have stayed home!

notice anything other than my poorly painted toenails?of course you do, i'm wearing mismatched flip flops. sadly, i didn't notice until i was already in park city for the day. i was in a rush to leave and rather than take the time to wear pretty shoes i grabbed for my nearest flops.

it could have been worse, they could have been crocs.

tony montana, just another rat?

don't forget to read my adventures dating mr. rodent...here.

Spoon, Fork, or Knife? ( Guest Blog, JB Style!)

Every Utahn who grew up in Salt Lake during the eighties remembers eating out at the Training Table restaurant. It was standard fare for high school date night, and their television ad didn’t change for about 20 years. I still think that the girl in the tv ad was hot. I wonder what she’s doing now; she’s probably a mom with four kids and a mortgage. . . a pretty hot mom, that is!

Any way, not to get distracted, I need to set the record straight. The other day we stopped at the Training Table for lunch and we ordered all of the standard stuff, including an order of cheese fries. (“Cheese fries, that’s the last thing I need, an order of cheese fries”) Of course we got an order of dipping sauce to go with the fries. For those of you unfamiliar with dipping sauce, it looks like a bowl of barbeque sauce with a big blob of mayonnaise in the middle.

As long as I can remember we always mixed up the dipping sauce with a butter knife. Everybody knew this back then. A quick stir with the knife and your cheese fries were ready for yet another Utah original. But out-of-towners unfamiliar with standard dipping sauce protocol were obviously unaware of the requirement to stir with a knife.

So, we’re at lunch and I notice that there’s no knife on the table, just a fork. And Sarah picks up the fork and begins stirring the dipping sauce. I’m immediately appalled at the gross breach of protocol and begin to “educate” everyone at the table who did not grow up here and did not know about the knife rule.

Whether you are originally from Delta, or California, or wherever, just understand one thing: we stir our dipping sauce with a knife! Got it?

why, oh why?

to ensure my spot in heaven i added this to my car--

backstreet girl

to celebrate the 23 years of slavery, i took ben to see social distortion friday night. i checked the supply and he had enough underwear (happy craig?), so i thought a real present was in order. i've always loved the mike ness, and listened to social d constantly in high school. ben would "borrow" my tapes as a kid and social d quickly made an impression and he was a fan.

despite the insane heat inside the venue we had a great time. it was good to run into some old friends from back in the day, and even better to spend time with my punk rock girls, and better yet i'm the proud new owner of a sick girl social d jacket. it's mine, all mine...finally!

hipster paradise

while thumbing through a copy of playboy at a friend's house today i couldn't help but notice this:

happy _____ day benjaminoballbaby!

yesterday marked ben's 23rd year of being my slave. sure, some call it his birthday and for those...HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BENNY! however, i'll stick to happy slave day, or happy underwear day (a left-over from his youth).

ben is the middle child, this title was not assigned by womb exit but by attitude. the lad has every trait of a middle child, mostly because he has me for an older sibling and that has mellowed him beyond belief. having a mellow attitude in my family is unheard of, so on occasion (read:constant basis) ben was forgotten..."not left at the gas station" forgotten, but "shit, it's your birthday" forgotten. we lived in small town utah, so running to target for a last minute present was not an option.

**enter underwear**

i have 4 younger brothers, so my mom kept spare boy clothing tucked away in her closet, i.e. new packages of boxers. this is what bennyboy received most years as a gift, sad but true. luckily for my mom he was a good kid and never took offense to her after-thought gifts.

when i asked ben what he got from my parents i wasn't at all surprised to hear they bought him underwear. it's nice to have things i can count on, while the style has changed for him (boxers to jesus jammies), the gift never has. way to keep it real mom!

big head sarah and the stripper!

as per request, you can read my column here! look for my giant grainy noggin and from there you can read this week's story. sorry, it took so long to post--be patient, i'm worth the wait...or so i like to think.

please take note of the stripper, sharing a cover with any stripper is a dream come true! for those of you that are friends with my mom, expect that cover to be noted in the annual bragging rights christmas letter.

speaking of stupidity...

i don't recall which lunch spot we were at when pmk captured this little goodie for me, however, i did remember to add ice to my drink--and that's what's important...

yet another child left behind

i was in desperate need of some girl time saturday, so i met a couple gal pals for a trip to consumer hell (read:fashion place mall). leigh brought her roomie chacyne, possibly the worlds stupidest person. we were discussing guys we're currently dating and their professions. i mentioned that politico was, well...obviously in the political field--hence the name. she immediately asked what politics entail. after i picked my jaw from the floor, i explained what working in the political field was...well i tried and i could see it was going over her head. so, i just mentioned they are people who work in "like" government like the president and his administration, her eyes widened and she said, "YOU'RE LIKE DATING THE PRESIDENT"? i counted to ten (to avoid killing her) and mentioned he worked in local politics. i then explained politicians were the people who made the laws she (supposedly) followed. her response? "oh, i thought that was volunteer work".

hmmm...i guess you could look at it that way.

fast sunday

aimee and i met our favorite punk rock couple for drinks last night. we were having a standing argument over which club is better: golden trails or southern exposure. (for the record, southern wins hands down, or tits up as the case may be.)

i mentioned that i'd been asking where to find stripperoke and hadn't yet received an answer. drop dead chris is stunned into silence, NOT a usual occurrence. after a moment i get the well, i hope god give you an answer soon, because i'd really like to go.

yeah, that's right...sometimes after a couple beers the simple word asking sounds amazingly enough like fasting to confuse even the coolest of kids.

i'll be sure to blog back about the god-given answer soon!

horny?

why slc needs more biker bars:so when i see this guy on the road, i can rest assured i'll meet him one hot summer night. i'm a sucker for a helmet with horns, ever since that halloween party three years ago--mmmm...vikings.

out for in!

While we're talking about new things in IN, make sure to pick up next week's issue, where columnist Sarah Nielson will debut. Sarah is popular blogger (www.sarahbellumsn.blogspot.com) from Salt Lake City and each week she will share her frank and humorous views on being single in a city not made for singles. More on Sarah next week.

starting thursday, july 13th i'll be writing a weekly column for IN magazine about my single life. not to worry--i'll still be blogging away, but now you can read me elsewhere.

remember the days of newspapers? well, those days are back!

look around town for IN magazine, utah's weekly entertainment rag, they're starting to pop up around town. comment me and let me know when you pick up your copy!

move over uncle sam!

don't worry buddy, your auntie sarah's upset about dubya having a birthday too. it's ok, you're not the only one worried about him running the country, we all are.

got jeep?

i understand that for most people the selling point of the jeep liberty is that it comes in diesel, making it a jeep liberal in my world---yes, i live in the land of bio-diesel, saving the world one tank of soy oil at a time. however, for me all it takes is a picture of a one-eyed pug and i am sold!

derby days

celebrating independence day properly is important when you played the part of a country girl in your past life, and nothing screams americana louder than a small town demolition derby.
following tradition i painted my name on country carl's car, happily i might add--as he chose to have a pink car this year.
watching the cars wreck their way into a championship round is a good time, however, i'm just as happy listening to johnny cash playing over the pa system. and these people? they're just happy to have a place to stand for the national anthem.
sadly, the power of pink wasn't quite enough to bring the trophy home. carl was able to get his car out of the arena with the help of a few pals, this guy...wasn't so lucky!thanks to all those who sat with me mullet free, also thanks to the door guy for looking the other way when i dragged in a purse full of alcohol. the country just isn't the country without a little buzz going on, right??